I'm sure you've heard by now that JoJo Siwa announced on Big Brother she isn't a lesbian anymore.

Yes.

Proving what I've been saying forever that lesbians can be flipped,

contrary to what the friends of lesbians you're hitting on may tell you.

It's very vindicating. Just the other day, I received backlash for trying to flip a woman

that told me she's a lesbian at my company party.

What? Naturally, I hit her with challenge accepted,

told her we have a lot in common as we're both clam hounds,

and if she's had enough taco, we got sausage on the menu before pointing to my crotch.

I was then written up by coworkers who insisted that's not how being a lesbian works?

Well, I bet those co-workers feel really stupid now. As should the bouncer who kicked me out of a lesbian bar for telling one of them she was too pale from the lack of vitamin D

before pointing to my crotch.

As one does.

I'm saying, you've tried the lock.

Why not try the keys?

Classic line.

Well, the bouncer didn't think so,

because even after I explained to her that women can't know if they like something escorted off the premises violently, completely ripping my lesbian Slayer shirt with a pair of scissors crossed out.

Let me ask you a question. When she said she's a lesbian, did you ask her to prove it?

First thing I said, I also made it very clear she wouldn't have to leave her girlfriend because I'd be more than willing to take both them at the same time.

Just checking, because that is a real win-win question. If they do prove it, nice. And if they choose not to, then you know that they're still flippable.

That said, I'll be holding my breath on the apology I should be receiving from that bouncer

...