Get it the birth show. I'm moving on here. I want to thank you guys for sending me so many messages yesterday. I came on here and kind of verbally vomited on how I was feeling about having to go up to New York City and perhaps see my mom this weekend. Can that be our new tagline by the way?

Verbal vomit.

The Bert show, verbal vomit.

Pretty much what we do every day anyway.

Right?

So I was telling you guys that, you know, my mom has checked herself out of relationships

with all of her sons at one point or another so there's been a

estrangement time and time again my mom wasn't maternal there were there weren't

any times away her I was sick and my mom made me chicken soup and

hug me that's just not my mom right so

she would go years and years and years without talking to any of us and what has been the

result of that as we're adults now for me and my brothers is that nobody feels close to her

whatsoever. She certainly is our mom but anything that at least two of us are

doing, the third brother doesn't want anything to do with her whatsoever,

is like this big old obligation.

And I said that there was this tipping point for me last week when I was on the phone

with her and she has dementia and it's the very first time where she didn't recognize that

I'm her son while we were on the phone and I kind of felt like at this point like okay

Maybe that the window is being closed here, maybe I should go to New York City and visit her, even though, and this was where my shame came yesterday and even posting this, is that I hate saying that I have no emotional connection to my mom because it feels so callous but as Kristen said

yesterday and made me say also is that she's earned this apathy. So I'm tipping

here between like what's healthy for me and what's the right thing to do and

for the longest time in my life I really have sort of lived by the roles that you look at the big picture and F my feelings.

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