What up guys, this is Lisa Billio here and today's two-part conversation will make sure you're not allowing past mistakes to define you or your potential love life. So I've got a question for you. What do you do when you've been ghosted after you've been practically chased down for that day? Does that feeling of rejection that you get actually turn into a validation trophy that you feel like you have to have? Well my my guest today, the world renowned relationship coach and bestselling author, the Farn Speaks, is joining me on Women of Impact Airgain and this time we're diving into the dating dilemmas that make it difficult to decipher manipulation tactics from genuine interest. So join us as we learn how to heal and not just cope with our relationship roles and misunderstandings. Mahome, I hope you're excited for an episode that can truly change your life and possibly have you checkin' out your exes according to Stefano, not according to me. Now don't forget to catch part two of this truth-telling combo tomorrow to find out why relationships end more often over misunderstandings and how you can actually understand what he actually says and what he actually means. Now let's dive in. This is going to be some men who hate me saying this, but I'm just going to be honest. When he says I don't like posting stuff on my IG, my ex looks crazy. You're tripping, that's just my friend. We all know that's a cop out for a lot of people. This is the important part that I want women to understand. You'll know he's genuine if he. So today, you're gonna help us decode what men say because there's a gap sometimes between what they say and what they actually mean. And so I've got a laundry list of things

that we're gonna go through that women have heard

men say repeatedly but don't act in accordance.

So you're gonna help decipher what these mean.

And we're gonna start with number one,

which is my ex was crazy.

Woo, okay, you were heavy for the first one.

All right, so my ex was crazy.

What it means to him when he says it is literally his perception is that she was crazy. I think that it speaks to the disconnect that a lot of men and women have. When it comes to communication and understanding each other and how differently we are wired. And men tend to label that when you don't understand something, some people will call it crazy. Okay? And he genuinely believes that because men have to learn how to respect the woman's intuitive side and how she feels in the moment. And there's a lot of men who push back against that because they think, well, you can't just let her feelings dictate to you what to do or you can't let that override logic, but they're missing the point of what I'm saying, which is It hurt how she feels in that moment can be her reality and if you're dismissive of it, right? It makes her feel devalued. It makes her feel like you don't love her as well as it doesn't address whatever is causing her to feel this way and So now that dismissal or that disconnect causes arguments, right? And it can lead to that perception of this woman is just crazy. Like I always give this example of men and women could be walking down the street and everything seems fine. But to the woman is like, I don't feel safe here. I think we need to leave. And the man is like, you're tripping.

What's going on? Like, everything's cool. No, I don't feel safe. And that can actually lead to an argument. And to him, it's, she's crazy because I don't see what she sees. I don't understand what she's processing right now. And sometimes she may be struggling to put it into words and fully explain it. And other times it's also that he's just locked into,

it's not lining up with my logic.

So whatever you're saying is nonsense. So I do think a lot of men will refer to their excess crazy because of a lot of misunderstandings that have occurred. And it's also the easier way to dismiss the failure of the relationship

without taking any responsibility.

Because essentially, if she's just crazy than I was not the problem, I did nothing wrong. She was just crazy. And it helps it be, it's kind of a vague label to where we don't have to dive too much deeper into it. Cause I was like, well, she's crazy. Why does anything else matter? She's just crazy. You know? But I do think for a woman, the follow up question should be,

what made her so crazy?

Why do you perceive her as crazy? What were some of the things that she did? Now again, it's gonna be some scenarios where she did some crazy things. Crazy things. Exactly. It just is what it is. But I do think that there's a chance at least to discover what might be those misunderstandings that now we don't have to replicate in our current situation. Mm, boom, frickin' love that. All right, we're gonna get to the next. I'm gonna list, I told you, I gotta list. All right, so next one we're gonna do is, I don't like putting relationship stuff on my Instagram. When he says, I don't like posting stuff on my IG. In a lot of situations, it's, I'm not trying to let other people know that I'm dealing with you, or I have a girlfriend, or someone I'm dating. And I don't want to tip off the other women that I might want to entertain. All right, that's just a reality. However, there are some guys who literally mean I don't like putting stuff on my IG. For example, I'm one of those guys. I'm very, and this is the important part that I want women to understand. You'll know he's genuine or there's a greater chance of him being genuine if he's consistent with this in other areas. Meaning, when you look at me, if you look at my IG, it's pretty much all business.

People have always complained,

I don't share my life enough. I don't post enough pictures about me. I'm not a picture-taking person, I'm not big on sharing all these different things. The only time you get being seen me even try is because I'm being hounded to do it, okay? But I don't care to do that. So even in my close friends, I don't post much of anything.

Okay?

So for me, if a woman acts me to poster all over my IG, I'd be like, no, I don't like doing that. I think you'll know they're genuine by seeing are they consistent with that. Now, he's posting everything about himself. I've even seen some situations where he's posted women, but it doesn't want to post this woman.

Now that's a red flag. That's like, okay, why is it now you're choosing to use this as an excuse, not to put stuff on IG. So you got a dig deeper to figure out what's really going on here. So what would you ask in those situations? So let's say for instance, you have seen them every so often, posted other people and you ask, like would you just say why don't you post me?

Like how would you even phrase that? I would ask what makes you uncomfortable, reluctant to post me on there? Well, like what's your reasoning behind it, you know? And then kind of going back to Sun that you mentioned in a different interview was like, when Tom wanted you to play video games with him, He said, it would make me feel very appreciate. I forgot what was the word that you used, but essentially he expressed on a deeper level why it was important to him. So I think the woman can do the same thing if she wants to get posted. It's like, just as you want him to explain to you why he has an issue with it, express to him why it's important to you and how it makes you feel if he was willing to do it. And I think that would help give some guys the nudge if they're genuine about their resistance to it to actually move forward and post you on there. That's actually, I love that idea. And then like, what does it mean to you for me to post it? Because for somebody, it may be like, well, hang on a minute, that's like getting engaged engaged territory. If I announce it, then everybody knows, all of my friends know, all of my family knows. And now it's almost showing a possible commitment to that person, maybe they're not ready. But then someone else may be like, I post everybody, I post everyone that I've ever dated on my Instagram and it's not a big deal. So do you even think about asking like kind of what it may mean to them about what it not hosting means? I think you have to cover all bases and that would be a great question to ask, but I do think for a lot of men, it's one thing to post a woman that you're dating versus posting your wife. All right, because what are we liking on that? We know that there's a greater chance that we could be dating this person today and not dating them tomorrow. So now we got an archive post or delete post. We got to worry about people who saw that, one minute you're with this person, not that you're not, the questions that come with that. A lot of people don't want to deal with all that extra stuff that comes with posting somebody. unless it is their actual wife. Even though yes, people get divorced too, but there's a less likely chance of you having too. You know what I'm saying? Change things up in a matter of months or a couple of years. So I do think that plays into a lot of men's hesitancy as well, but I do think asking the question of, how would it make you feel if I don't, or why is this important to you, should be discussed as well?

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