Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bail of Jesse Thorn. This week, bad news,

airs, Dan brings the case against his wife, Emily. When their kids are already in a bad mood,

Dan believes it's a good time to deliver a piece of news they might not want to hear.

Emily disagrees with Dan's method. She'd like him to stop doing it when she's with him.

Who's right? Who's wrong? Only one can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the

courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference. This is what I was worried about and this is why

I thought I'd have a bit of a chat with you and explain absolutely frankly and openly the method

whereby you and everybody in this world came to be. Jesse Thorn in order for you to be brought

about, it was necessary for your mother and I to do something. In particular, it was necessary

for your mother to sit on a chair, to sit on a chair, which I had recently vacated and which was

still warm from my body. And then something very mysterious, rather wonderful and beautiful happened

and sure enough, Jesse Thorn, four years later you were born.

They'll have Jesse Thorn, please swear to the litigants in. Dan and Emily, please rise, raise

your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,

so help you God or whatever? Yes, I do. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman

's ruling despite the fact that he himself is bad news? Yes, yeah. Judge Hodgman, you may

proceed. Emily and Dan, you may be seated for an immediate summary judgment.

Some of your favorites can either of you name the piece of culture that I referenced as I entered

this courtroom. How about you, Dan? You want to take a guess?

Some, I'm trying to think of some old fashioned novel like a Washington Irving novel.

Washington Irving, maybe let the legend of spooky hollow. Emily's guess is Bartleby the

script. No. Is that your guess, Emily? Bartleby the script by Herman Melville? No.

...