Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman Podcast. I'm Bill of Jesse Thorn. This week,

Birth Day B.E.S. Corpus. Brandy files suit against her husband Greg. Greg's birthday falls

in August, but he'd like to change it to October 17th. She wants to be able to celebrate on his

actual date of birth. Who's right? Who's wrong? Only one can decide. Please rise as Judge John

Hodgman enters the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference.

There is something about the middle years of life, the 40s to 50s, that makes a man take a long

hard look at himself. For then it is that he comes face to face with the ashes of his dreams

and realizes that he is most definitely not going to write the Great American novel

or become president of the company or become a multi-millionaire or even the host of the Judge

John Hodgman Podcast. Bill of Jesse Thorn, please swear the litigants in. Brandy and Greg,

please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth, so help you God or whatever? I do. Yes or whatever. Yes.

Thank you. I don't want to hear any or whatever's. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling

despite the fact that he hasn't celebrated a birthday in over 25 years? I do. Yes.

Judge Hodgman, you may proceed. Brandy and Greg, you may be seated or whatever. Don't let Bill

of Jesse Thorn push you around like that, Brandy. You can say or whatever. Judge Hodgman, I'm tired of

people responding to that prompt as though their choices are yes, no, and whatever. They're not there

to dismiss what I'm saying. It's an option to choose between God or whatever they would like

to swear by. Jesse, we've done this for a long time. You know you're my very close friend.

Shut your pile. How do you like that? Wow. I can't see my friend, Jesse, because we're not doing

teleconferencing. We're back to old school. We're in the studio. And maybe I really heard his feelings,

Jesse. I'm sorry. Jesse, are you there? That is all. Oh, oh, oh, turn about his fair play. That is

...