From The New York Times, I'm Anna Martin. This is Modern Love. And today, the full modern

love essay by Khalid Abdul Qadir. It's a story about a man who's keeping secrets from

his wife, big secrets, that could change their relationship and his life. And what happens

when he decides to tell his wife the truth. Here's Khalid Abdul Qadir, reading his essay,

The Polygraph Test That Saved My Marriage.

Have you ever kept a secret from your wife? I asked the polygraph examiner.

For nearly two decades, I've been grooming myself to be the perfect candidate for one of the

premier US government intelligence agencies. These institutions require absolute loyalty,

which means you're supposed to keep secrets for them, not from them.

I replied, yes, I have. I was seated upright, brown knuckling the plastic arms of the chair,

a black wire had been placed snugly across my chest, another contraption was attached to my

fingertips. My heart thumped so loudly that it nearly drowned out all sound. I felt a beat of sweat

rolled from my armpit down my side underneath my shirt. I was experiencing the telling of truth.

While every fiber of my being strained to keep my secrets, I knew I had to be honest and just

answer his question. Fumbling through my response, I explained how I had not told my wife about

my family's complicated past. My father's associations had led him to be investigated

for potential connection to the terrorist attacks of September 11th, and I, as his son,

was later placed on a terrorist suspect list. My father was never formally charged for

terrorism-related activities, but the stigma remained. In fact, one of the main reasons I joined

the military and pursued work in the intelligence community was to try and cleanse us of all that

by creating a long record of loyalty and serving my country. I did create that record and I'm proud

of it. I had been interrogated by intelligence officers when I was in the Navy,

...