Don’t Hide in the Bathroom Stall

Modern Love

The New York Times

Society & Culture, Nyt, Nytimes, Loss, Redemption, Storytelling, New York Times, Love, Essay

4.3 • 9K Ratings

🗓️ 11 October 2023

⏱️ 27 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Susan Gelles was a lawyer in her 30s who was too busy to find love. But after finally admitting that she was lonely, Susan did something that went against all her best instincts. She started attending singles mixers. On this episode, Susan shares her disastrous mismatches, awkward flirtations and the story of how she almost missed her chance to meet the love of her life.

Transcript

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0:00.0	From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin. This is Modern Love. I don't want to brag, but I'm in a relationship, which is really great for a lot of reasons.
0:28.0	A big one is that I get to avoid the very specific feeling I get whenever I go on a first date.
0:35.0	I'd open the door to whatever bar, see the guy was supposed to be meeting inside and just immediately feel so tired.
0:43.0	Like my body already knew how much effort it would take to make a good impression, to ask the right questions, to do that little dance at the end about who's going to pay, putting myself out there was exhausting.
0:55.0	That's how the author of today's Modern Love essay, Susan Gellisfeld, exhausted.
1:01.0	Her job was intense and all-consuming, so she told herself she had no time for dating, and that worked for her until she realized she was lonely.
1:10.0	So finally, Susan decided to put herself out there, in I think one of the bravest ways a person possibly can, by going to a single's mixer.
1:25.0	Susan Gellis, welcome to the show. Welcome to Modern Love. Thank you so much. Great to be here.
1:31.0	So your essay gives me really strong rom-com energy. I sort of feel like it's like a Nora Efron movie.
1:40.0	Yeah, I hear you.
1:42.0	So I'm going to set the scene. I'm going to be a movie director.
1:47.0	It's New York City, the late 90s. You're in your 30s.
1:52.0	You're a lawyer at this very intense law firm, and I imagine you like going through 15 cups of coffee a day, watching the sunset through your office window.
2:01.0	Were you the type of person that found this kind of job exciting?
2:06.0	I was really energized by the rush of it, by the demands of it. I thrived on that. I liked it. Yes, it was tense.
2:18.0	But I liked the sense of urgency.
2:23.0	I feel like also in these 90s rom-coms, there's always like a supportive sidekick.
2:30.0	And you write in your essay that you had sort of like a work wife, right? Like a best friend at the law firm.
2:36.0	It was great.
2:38.0	Oh my gosh. She was in was Daniel, right? Yes. Yeah, what a godson.
2:42.0	Daniel and I would talk about everything.
2:45.0	Of course, most of all, we were speaking about the stress we were under.
	...

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