Have You Ever Kept a Secret From Your Wife?

Modern Love

The New York Times

Society & Culture, Nyt, Nytimes, Loss, Redemption, Storytelling, New York Times, Love, Essay

4.3 • 9K Ratings

🗓️ 4 October 2023

⏱️ 30 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Khalid Abdulqaadir’s life was full of secrets. He started keeping them when he was a teenager, after his father was accused of an unimaginable crime. He didn’t want to explain his family history every time he started a new relationship. So his secrets followed him, even as he got married. Many years later, Khalid was interviewing for a job in the U.S. government, and he was required to take a polygraph test. The examiner asked him a question he could not avoid: “Have you ever kept a secret from your wife?” Khalid knew that it was time to tell his wife everything. This is the first episode of our new season! We’ll be back every Wednesday with a new story.

Transcript

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0:00.0	I was seated upright, brown-nuckling the plastic arms of the chair.
0:09.7	A black wire had been placed snugly across my chest.
0:13.8	Another contraption was attached to my fingertips.
0:17.1	My heart thumps so loudly that it nearly drowned out all sound.
0:23.5	I felt a beat of sweat roll from my armpit down my side underneath my shirt.
0:30.5	Have you ever kept a secret from your wife?
0:32.8	I asked the polygraph examiner.
0:35.5	I replied, yes I have.
0:41.8	From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin.
0:44.2	This is Modern Love.
0:45.8	Welcome to a new season.
0:48.5	Today a story from Khalid Abdul Qadir.
0:52.8	Khalid wrote a Modern Love essay that begins with him taking a polygraph test when he
0:57.5	was asked a question that completely changed the way he thought about love.
1:10.2	Khalid ever since I read your essay, I've had this vivid image in my head of you taking
1:15.4	that polygraph test.
1:17.7	You were asked this big question about whether you'd ever kept a secret from your wife.
1:23.0	What did you do when you were asked that question?
1:30.6	I did what I just did now was I started to think, how can I respond to a question like that?
1:37.4	This is the dilemma when you're doing a polygraph.
1:41.3	You know you have to tell the truth so that hesitation is what typically is an indication
1:46.4	that you're about to say something false.
	...

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