Hi everyone, it's Rosie. Welcome to Radio Headspace and to Monday. So my fiance Toria and I were

sitting at our local coffee shop when a couple next to us began getting a little loud. I felt

what I call inward, meaning just wanting a sense of calm and space to be introspective. And the

noise made me want to leave. So I leaned over to Toria and I asked him if he wanted to go. He saw

my expression and lovingly asked, do you want to go? It was then I had a striking light bulb moment.

I realized I have tried to care for others' feelings by indirectly projecting my own.

I instantly started chuckling while taking a sip of my matcha latte and said, I would like to leave now please.

He smiled and looped his arm in mind and we left. Expressing what you need can be extremely vulnerable.

We may fear that others think we're selfish or maybe we've been taught that what's important to us

shouldn't be a priority. So today let's talk about how to ask for what you need without the judgment.

So the first time I had to suppress my needs was when I was a child I was really little.

We were at a church function getting ready to leave and as we walked to our car my parents saw

a couple friends. They started to chat it up and were in Los Angeles during the middle of a heatwave.

I started to hang on my mom's leg hoping that she would get the hint that I wanted to leave until I

finally said, I wanted to go and I remember her giving me the look right that mom look that just

sears into your soul. The minute I got that look from her I knew I needed to be quiet.

We started driving back home and she said we hadn't seen those friends in many years we were just

catching up. It's really rude to be in considerate of people when they're talking.

That was the moment where I realized expressing my needs and wants was selfish and it's something

I shouldn't do. As I grew in my relationships and grew into myself I noticed that this became

extremely difficult in intimate relationships with friends or partners where I just didn't have

the words to express what I wanted. In a lot of instances I would do things that I didn't want to do.

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