Welcome to the awesome marriage podcast. I'm your co-host, Christina Dodson. This is an Ask

Dr. Kim segment where people submit their questions for Dr. Kim Kim, and he answers them.

Thanks for listening. So we are excited to be recording another Ask Dr. Kim podcast today. The question

that we have today is, what do I do if my spouse isn't meeting a basic need of

mine? So we hear this a lot. What should someone do, Dr. Kim, if their spouse isn't meeting a basic

need of theirs? You know, it's probably more common than we think it is, especially those

who are listening and their spouse is doing a really good job. But I think it's something that's really

common today because we have so many distractions in life and people are tired, and so they just don't put the effort out.

So I would start at step one if that, make sure you've talked about.

Well, I think first, just yourself, assess the need.

Is this really legitimate or not?

And make sure it is.

Certainly if we're talking about sexual relationship, talking about basic communication, stuff like that. I mean, those are definitely basic needs that need to be met by

our spouse. And so assess that, and then talk with your spouse. Okay, this is the need that I have

expressed that need, two of them. And then, and you can even go so far as to say, this is how I'd like it to be met. This would really do

be good. This would make me feel connected to you, close to you. I think it would help our marriage

and, you know, be very clear about those things and see how they respond. So I think a lot of times

the meds aren't met and we get mad. And so there's a fight. And I think taking the time to just

lay it out and just kind of methodically

step through it and when you're not upset at each other and really try to express that need and let

your spouse understand why you have that need yeah I agree and I love that you bring up the point of

making sure that it is a need right because sometimes we do we have these unrealistic expectations or maybe we're thinking something that is a need that really? Because sometimes we do, we have these unrealistic expectations,

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