The following podcast is a deer media production.

Hello everybody, welcome to the Bitch Bible podcast.

Woo! A couple new developments.

Leo had a late-life bliss by way of a lemon spin drift.

I have also entered the I Hate My Husband and Everyone Else Around Me pregnancy era.

Let's start with how Leo nearly lost his genitalia after getting his penis stuck in the

opening of my aluminum lemon spin drift can. I guess I kind of buried the lead on that one.

That's basically the story. So I was taking Leo to the dog park earlier today and I had a cool

chilled lemon spin drift. And you know when you crack the top of a can but you don't fully

penetrate it so that mouth opening is just kind of half open, not fully opened. I didn't fully

pop the top. And I was holding the can in between my legs as a lady does.

Chilling my genitalia and actually it felt so amazing because I got my vagina and inner thighs

waxed earlier in the day and they were burning and it was a little it was a little hot and a little

rashi down there. Let me tell you something. If you are like me and you have invested thousands upon

thousands of dollars, lasering your body from ankle to forehead. Okay, get your money back or

stop now if you ever plan on being pregnant because it will come back with a vengeance. I am the

woolly mammoth. I have hair that is so long and so thick. I mean, I have asshole tendrils that make

me look like the 32 year old version of curly fucking Sue from behind. It's insane what's going on

with my body. And you know, you got one Gentile friend in elementary school or middle school that

tells you to go ham with a big razor because she's not going to suffer the ramifications of shaving

the backs of her thighs, her stomach, her arms, everything else. You know, I shaved off my peach

fuzz and now I am some type of an animal. Okay, because the hair is coarse. It is textured. It is

...