Welcome to love and abuse, the show about navigating the difficult relationship, from simple disagreements to emotionally abusive behaviors.

You deserve respecting kindness.

All the information on this show is meant for educational purposes only.

Always seek a professional for your mental health and well-being and always pick your battles wisely.

I'm your host, Paul Koliani.

Hello, welcome to another episode, and I want to get right into today's topic, which is a question

that was asked of me, which is, can you cause the abusive behaviors of another person?

Are you the cause ever of someone else's hurtful behaviors towards you?

The answer is, and I can't think of a single exception, never.

You are never the cause of somebody else's hurtful

behaviors toward you. Even if you're mean, even if you're hurtful. Here's the exception.

I just thought of one. You physically hit someone. They'll very likely hit you back. So that would be a cause and effect

kind of thing. But what if you yell at someone? If you call them a really awful name,

they can call you an awful name back and we can look at that as cause and effect as well,

but the other person has a choice, just like you have a

choice. If you are hurting someone, trying to hurt someone, and they hurt you back, you both have

a choice. You are both individuals with your own free will to make choices. And when you make the choice to hurt someone, they have a choice to hurt you back.

And if you choose not to hurt someone and they hurt you, and maybe you are doing something

that activates them, it triggers them, something you're doing triggers them.

If that's the case, you are still not the cause triggers them. Something you're doing triggers them. If that's the case, you are still

not the cause for their behavior. They are the cause for their behavior because the cause

starts at their choice. Now, there are behaviors that some people do that feel like it's out of control, like out of their

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