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Judge John Hodgman

Animal/Vegetable/Criminal

Judge John Hodgman

Jesse Thorn

World, Show, Complete, Hodgeman, Comedy, Pc, Daily, Hodgman, Mac, More, Expertise, Knowledge, Information

4.87.7K Ratings

🗓️ 15 October 2025

⏱️ 70 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Brent says his wife, Maite, is playing 20 Questions wrong. But Maite says that Brent's gameplay is too basic!

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm bail of Jesse Thorne. This week,

0:06.9

Animal, Vegetable, Criminal. Brent brings the case against his wife, Maite. Maite likes to unwind

0:15.2

by playing 20 questions with Brent, but Brent doesn't want to play the game with her anymore. He says she's doing it

0:24.3

wrong. Her answers are too vague, but Maite says his 20 questions gameplay is too basic. Who's right,

0:33.2

who's wrong? Only one can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and presents an obscure

0:39.9

cultural reference. I'm fed up with this idiotic game. I'm going home. Oh, okay. End of drama.

0:51.6

Bail of Jesse Thorne, please swear the litigant's in. Brent and my tapea, please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? So help you, God, or whatever. I do. I do. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that he's never beat me at any games ever in his entire life? Now, granted, that's because I don't like to play games because I feel bad when I win and I feel bad when I lose. I do. I do. Judge Hodgman, you may proceed, you're freaking loser. There's no way I'm going to beat you at the bailiff uniform game, that's for sure. Yeah, I put my pants on today, John, because we have

1:27.9

litigants in the studio. Litigants in the studio means Jesse Thorne must wear pants. And if you'd

1:32.6

like to see them, go right now to YouTube.com popular website. Our channel is Judge John Hodgman

1:40.1

Pod. And if you go there now, you will see that when I say you may be seated, it's lying

1:45.0

because Brent and Maita are already comfortably seated there at Maximum Fun HQ in Los Angeles.

1:51.1

Very nice to see you both. But I do offer you this chance for an immediate summary judgment on one

1:56.0

of yours favors. I, let's see, how are we going to do this? Rather than you guessing the quote, let's play a little game, not of 20 questions, but of

2:06.6

five questions each.

2:09.9

Earlier, you heard me read the quote.

2:11.7

I am fed up with this idiotic game.

2:14.1

I'm going to go home.

2:15.2

The first one who can guess the person who said that will get an

2:19.3

automatic immediate summary judgment in their favor. You may ask up to five yes or no questions,

2:24.6

and I'm going to give you a hint. This is a person, a human animal. And I tell you, why don't

2:32.1

you start? Now, one of the techniques for playing 20 questions is you want to continually, if possible,

2:38.9

sort of break the answers down into 50-50 chances.

...

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