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Absolutely Not

American Tourist

Absolutely Not

Dear Media

Instagram, Hotline, Comedian, Heathermcmahon, Callin, Entertainment, Aperol, Personal572339, Female, Arts, Comedy, Funny, Advice, Humor

4.914K Ratings

🗓️ 24 June 2026

⏱️ 64 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

On this episode, Heather is coming to you all live from a fabulous hotel in Florence, Italy where she and Jeff are celebrating their wedding anniversary. She starts off the pod chatting about her big move without one very important person- Robin. Heather chats about how Off Campus has changed her brain chemistry.  She brings us up to speed about her first days of travel to Italy and how American tourists can achieve il dolce far niente.


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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

0:06.4

Welcome to the Absolutely Not podcast, where we do the most and the least at this same damn time.

0:12.6

I'm your host, Heather McMahon. I want to start a fire.

0:33.7

Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another episode of the Absolutely Not podcast.

0:35.2

I'm your host, Heather McMahon.

0:37.0

Coming to you live from Ferreense. Eating in

0:41.6

Italy is my favorite thing. Jeff, aka the Italian, Italian and I, we're in Italy. Hold on. Let me

0:48.3

turn this up just a little bit. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Okay. I forgot. I'm on my old

0:52.9

recorder and you can only hear out of one

0:55.0

AirPod. That's what we're doing. How the hell are you? I'm fantastic. I feel alive. I'm back to who I

1:01.1

was always supposed to be, which was, you know, an over-served, over-fed Italian woman. And that is, I'm living

1:06.9

that Dolce Vita Life. Dolce Farnete is just the art of taking it slow, the art of getting lost, the art of doing a

1:15.3

fart walk after you've had a Tuscan Florentine steak.

1:18.8

You know, that is where we're at.

1:21.0

And I could not be happier to be spending my anniversary back in the place where Jeff and I

1:25.6

consummated our marriage here in Florence, Italy.

1:29.3

He's sitting in the corner. I don't have two microphones or else I put him on. Babe, do you remember

1:33.4

when you made me have sex on our wedding night? He said it solidified our marriage. We didn't get home to like 6 o'clock in the morning.

1:41.6

And he's like, come on, a couple pumps. And I was like, fine.

1:49.5

Yeah, you did. So I did do sex on my wedding night. Wasn't the first time. Stop it, Cheryl.

1:57.4

I am sitting on a gorgeous futon, Ottoman stool, if you will, and a fabulous hotel, which I will share next week. You know, I used to share everything in real time,

2:00.9

and I've noticed some of y'all have gotten a little bit creepy.

...

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