Welcome to the Dr. Finlay's and Fife interview archive. We are so glad that you're here.

Don't forget to visit the website and take advantage of the Christmas sale. Now through Christmas all of the

courses are 20% off with additional discounts available when you buy multiple

courses. Well it is always a privilege and an honor to welcome to the show Dr. Jennifer Finlison Fife, who is a colleague of mine, a friend, we're legacy people in the sense of what we were just talking about before we hit record of kind of looking at what's our mark and meaning on the world and Jennifer, you're making a good one and so I'm glad that you're a part of the show again.

So welcome to Sex and Marriage Radio again.

Thanks for having me.

Absolutely and so you know you and I have a lot of the similar training, if you will, and with all the stuff we've done with Dr. Schnarsh and the clientele we have, there's a lot of overlap.

Yeah. And one of the things that's always such a privilege to me to have you on the show and then the conversations you and I have had off offline at times. It's just the challenge of seeing it slightly different but it's still the same framework or lens, right?

Yeah. And that's what I'm thinking could be beneficial for today, Jennifer, is I come across this and I'm guessing you probably

do too of a couple that it's not necessarily somebody coming to see me for therapy or for coaching, but it's interactions with people that will say,

we have a really good marriage, it's even a great marriage, but we really struggle at sex,

or we have a really great marriage, but we can't parent worth a darn with each other.

You know, so they kind of do the pie chart, if you will, of what it would be seven eighths of it is fantastic, they say, but that one eighth isn't.

And so I'm curious, does that jive with, when you hear that, what goes on in your mind?

Uh, yeah, so I do definitely get that kind of presentation.

Um, and I do think that in some ways it confuses people because it's only one-eighth of the pie

chart so why does all of it feel infected with what's lacking now I do think people try to frame it as we're really good friends, we parent really well. So we just got this one little issue, but I think there is research that shows that when the sexual relationship is not working well, it has more negative

impact than positive effect when it is working well.

And I think the reason for that is because of the meanings

of why you don't have a thriving sexual relationship

then shape what it means to be good co-parents or anything else that you do together well.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that if people got married with the framing and understanding that this is a co-parenting

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