A Meaningful Hurt: How Marriage Pressures Growth

Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

Self-improvement, Education, Mental Health, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.4 • 978 Ratings

🗓️ 5 August 2025

⏱️ 92 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

We’re re-releasing our most-listened-to episode ever—and for good reason. In this powerful conversation, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Carol Lynn Pearson, Stephen Carter, and Dan Wotherspoon to talk about the real purpose of marriage—and why the challenges we face in it are what drives our personal and spiritual growth. They discuss how marriage can stretch us in the best ways—pushing us to confront ourselves, to move through conflict instead of away from it, and to build something real and lasting in the process. In the episode, you'll learn more about: Why conflict is often a doorway to intimacy How monogamy pressures us to evolve What Mormon culture gets wrong—and right—about marriage Why creating a strong marriage is a spiritual process If you’ve ever wondered why marriage feels so hard sometimes, and whether it’s supposed to be easier—this episode will meet you right where you are. *In the episode,Carol Lynn Pearson's poem "The Steward" is referenced *On August 12th Dr. Finlayson-Fife will be launching the pre-order link for her new book! JOIN OUR MAILING LIST for details!

Transcript

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0:00.0	If you really want to cultivate the personal, psychological, and spiritual development of individuals,
0:05.3	put them in a monogamous relationship because we were actually building new selves in the process
0:11.4	of bumping ourselves up against the other person. That is the work of spiritual maturation.
0:17.4	Committing yourself to another person pressures you to evolve because if you're going to
0:23.2	actually not be just miserable with them, you have to develop. You have to face who you are. You have
0:28.7	to face who they are and forge capacity within yourself. And so it hurts, but it's a meaningful hurt.
0:44.0	Music but it's a meaningful hurt. Welcome to Conversations with Dr. Jennifer,
0:47.3	a collection of interviews on the topics of relationships, sexuality, spirituality, and more.
0:53.5	All featuring Dr. Finlayson Fife.
0:58.9	Hi, everyone. As many of you know, my upcoming book will be released this September,
1:03.6	and I'm looking forward to finally being able to share it with you. To mark this upcoming release,
1:07.8	I'll be hosting a special live Q&A. This will be a chance to hear more about the book, ask your questions, and engage more deeply with the ideas I cover within it.
1:16.6	This event is exclusively for newsletter subscribers, and you'll definitely want to join as we'll be sharing the pre-order link during that call.
1:24.6	So if you'd like to submit a question and join us for the Q&A, just click the
1:29.2	link below to sign up for the mailing list. I'm really excited to connect with you and to begin
1:34.0	sharing more of what this book is about. Thanks, everyone. Welcome everyone to another edition
1:41.0	of the Mormon Matters podcast. This is your host, Dan Wetherspoon.
1:49.0	It's been a few weeks since we've had a podcast, just some interesting scheduling issues that come up with people. And I'm actually going to be recording three episodes in the next five days,
1:53.8	including this morning. And I'm thrilled to do this one. This has been one that's been in my mind
1:58.8	and kind of brewing for a little while.
2:01.8	As many people will know, Carolyn Pearson published a wonderful book called The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy,
2:07.6	Haunting the Hearts and Heaven of Mormon Women and Men.
	...

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