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Distorted View Daily

A Fabric Softener Scent Booster But For Hardcore Drugs

Distorted View Daily

Tim Henson

Comedy Fiction, Improv, Fiction, Comedy

4.81.1K Ratings

🗓️ 27 February 2023

⏱️ 59 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

ON TODAY’S SHOW: The Grocery Store That Will Save You Money! 0:00.000 Introduction 1:59.359 A Japanese Vomit Three Way 4:00.642 Blaring Porn During A Local News Live Report 8:05.753 New and Exotic Fisting Sounds 10:07.267 Psychic Medium Speaks To Corey Feldman 14:40.793 Soverign Citizen Says She Doesn’t Need A Drivers License 24:19.075 Support DV Today And You’ll Be Blessed Spiritually In The Afterlife Tomorrow 30:25.493 Dilbert Is Pro Segregation 32:18.044 There’s A New Zombie Drug! 41:24.524 Chewing Off Your Attacker’s […]

Transcript

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0:00.0

For the best of everything, let's go Krogery.

0:04.0

You can always count on us.

0:06.0

With food prices continuing to rise,

0:09.0

let Kroger be your biggest ally in the war on inflation,

0:13.0

with this week's special item price busters.

0:16.0

While traditional chicken eggs are being sold at a premium,

0:19.0

Kroger has secured a large grey market shipment

0:22.0

of Galapagos penguin eggs.

0:24.0

With a unique fishy taste, gritty texture,

0:27.0

and pudding-like mucus center,

0:29.0

breakfast is about to get a whole lot more tropical.

0:32.0

One doesn't eggs only $2.29.

0:34.0

The draft season is starting earlier than ever this year,

0:37.0

and fresh water may be hard to come by.

0:40.0

But not at Kroger, new rainbow water

0:42.0

by the East Palestine bottling company

0:44.0

is hardy, thick, and refreshing.

0:46.0

Swirls of chromatic colors make the drink fun for kids,

0:50.0

and it's the only water you can chew,

0:52.0

bottled at the source of the Ohio River,

0:54.0

it's iridescently cool,

0:56.0

and designated less than deadly toxic by the EPA.

...

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