99: For Sale, Baby Legs, Not Attached (The First Book of Kings)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 30 January 2022

⏱️ 106 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

You’ve heard of Solomon, right, Theophiloi? The king so wise that he once threatened to cut a baby in half? Well, if you were looking for more examples of this famous wisdom, we have some bad news for you: it sure as heck ain’t in Bible. Instead, we get a lot about decorative gourds and a little about bathing in blood in One Kings as we kick off a new year on the show!

Topics of Discussion: A busy start to 2022 TYOOL, the Queen’s DBZ phase, a hot political take, “The Big Game,” a really fun thing listeners do about Benito pronouncing Hebrew that is just so fun for us, a human slanket, a comic that really s*cks, Solomon’s extremely cool chair, Ahab (Earth-616).

Hymnal: “King of Kings” by Mötorhead, “Take A Chance on Me” by Stephen Mann of English Martyrs Church.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Ben Hadad sent messengers to him and said,
0:02.8	May the gods punish me and do so severely
0:06.3	if Samaria's dust amounts to a handful for each of the people who follow me.
0:11.2	The King of Israel answered,
0:13.1	Say this.
0:14.8	Don't let the one who puts on his armor boast like the one who takes it off.
0:19.6	The first book of kings, chapter 20, verses 10 and 11. Down to the loud down to the king left none living unable to tell
0:40.3	The king took their heads and he sent them to hell
0:46.3	Their screams echo loud in the place of their death
0:52.3	Ripped open they die
0:55.0	with their final breath
0:57.1	they hail the king
1:00.3	The king
1:00.4	Hello friends and neighbors
1:03.8	And welcome to Apocrypal's
1:05.8	It is the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible
1:08.5	But we try not to be jerks about it
1:09.8	My name is Chris Sims.
1:12.4	With me as always, the other set of footprints Benito Serino.
1:15.1	Benito, Happy New Year.
1:17.5	Happy Gentile New Year to you in jail.
1:21.1	My favorite annual jokes.
	...

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