You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.

I'm your host, relationship coach Stephanie Rigg,

and I'm really glad you're here. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment.

In today's episode, I'm delighted to be joined by Stan Tatkin. If you don't know Stan, he is

an author, a rather prolific author and couples therapists.

He's also the founder or co-creator of the Pact Institute.

And today we're going to be talking all about conflict in relationships and how we can

experience conflict in a safe way and really build secure foundations in our relationship so that we can grow together

through conflict. Stan, welcome. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you, Stephanie. It's really

nice meeting you. Yeah, likewise. So your book that has just been released is called In Each Other's

Care, a Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work

Through Them. I must say, I love the title of In Each Other's Care. There's something very

beautiful and tender about that.

Thank you. Actually, that is a phrase that was there from the very beginning when I developed Pact. It was based on a

psychobiological notion that human beings, human primates are built to co-regulate or mutually

regulate in close proximity, particularly face-to-face eye-to-eye.

And so couple therapy had been focused on, I think, self-regulation more.

And the way it works, starting with infants and caregivers, is this is the motion. Nobody can see this,

but I'm crossing my hands over instead of being in your own care in the primary attachment

relationship, you're actually in each other's care, and that's actually more efficient

and a better way to think and operate than

being in one's own care only, which is a one-person psychological system. Yeah. It's ironic,

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