Brothers, sisters, siblings of the story, I'm going to shun my lawyer's advice and address the elephant in the room,

my recent altercation with Mark Wahlberg. And I want to put an end to the rumors. As you know,

the story celebrity center in the city of Los Angeles, California, United States of America

has been growing and growing. And some people, some cowards, are threatened by that. Just as all

nonbelievers feel threatened by the story.

And if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, I will never apologize for the story's threats.

Anyway, I'm visiting L.A., and I need to get a sweater.

And I see Mark Wahlberg in the Equinox gym parking lot on La Brea Avenue at 3 a.m.

He says, I rammed his range rover with my Ford Taurus.

I say, I didn't see him there.

And yeah, the parking lot was empty, but it's like, it's like, come on. And would

I ever intentionally hurt a Ford Taurus? Yeah, that's a big time no. But believe it or not,

I'm not perfect. I did nothing wrong, but I'm not perfect. And I'm confident Judge Carol Estevez,

beloved congregant of the story, is going to help us

out of this little pickle. Okay? That's all I'll say. Let's get our story on. Sister Callista, please read our

petitions to the story. The response is, story, story, why are you so gooey fresh?

For Pastor Andrew's quote-unquote legal situation, might responding officer Darrell

Hamines badge number 88A4-0B-102 LAPD, resident of Apartment 3L of the Vista Quinto Apartments in El Segundo, California, be encouraged to testify truthfully and honestly in Pastor Andrew's favor.

We're not asking him to doctor his report, but maybe he should rethink what he saw.

We ask,

"'Story, story, why are you so fully fresh?

For all our A-list celebrity congregants,

...