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On Attachment

#80: How to Get an Avoidant Partner to Open Up

On Attachment

Stephanie Rigg

Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Education, Relationships

51K Ratings

🗓️ 6 June 2023

⏱️ 19 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This week, I’m answering the community question, “How do I get my avoidant partner to open up?”. I’ll dive into how to pave the way for more genuine, authentic connection and what that looks like for people with avoidant attachment styles and anxious attachment styles within relationships. We'll cover: Preferences of wanting to receive informationTrust wounds in avoidant partnersSelf-serving behaviour that could be impacting this issueInsight into their experience Use the code JUNE50 for 50%...

Transcript

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0:00.0

You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships

0:10.5

and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.

0:19.7

I'm your host, relationship coach Stephanie Rigg,

0:22.8

and I'm really glad you're here. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment.

0:30.2

In today's episode, I'm going to be answering the community question of how do I get my

0:34.6

avoidant partner to open up more? So this is a very frequently asked question,

0:39.9

as you can imagine. I know that it's something a lot of more anxious partners struggle with

0:45.6

and really desire is to have more depth and connection with their partner, particularly a partner

0:50.9

who leans more avoidant. So I'm going to be unpacking that a little today.

0:56.0

And importantly, and I would say more importantly than the actual, how do I get my partner to open up more?

1:02.2

As you can imagine, if you are familiar with my work and my philosophy, I think the more revealing inquiry here is what is it within me that needs to control or influence that?

1:14.0

What part of me feels unsafe with them not telling me everything right away or feeling like I can't reach parts of them,

1:23.5

how much of my desire to get them to open up is about them versus me. And I think that when we can

1:29.3

get a little curious about that and take responsibility and really own the parts of us that maybe

1:35.8

want to control someone or want to change them, want them to be more like us or as we would

1:42.4

like them to be, then we're more able to approach those situations

1:46.1

with a level of conscious awareness and hopefully that will pave the way for more genuine

1:51.5

authentic connection rather than connection that is with a motive of control attached to it.

1:57.1

So that's what we're going to be talking about today. Before I dive into that, a couple of quick

2:00.7

announcements. You might have heard me share in the last episode that for the month of June,

2:05.2

I am offering a 50% off sale on my online courses and masterclasses. So included in that is my

2:13.3

higher love course, which is my breakup course, and my three masterclasses, how to navigate

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