78: MACCABEES (the Fourth Book of Maccabees)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 29 November 2020

⏱️ 109 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Chag samaeach, Theophiloi! It's Hanukkah time once again, and for 5781, we're diving back into the dynasty of God's resisters with MACCABEES — and this time, it's about family. Join us as we go through some truly grotesque and graphic descriptions of torture in what is essentially Green Eggs & Ham meets Hostel. It's... maybe not the best way to celebrate a gift-giving holiday, but, well, we didn't write it. Also: Olive Garden, stop reading. Applebee's.... hello.

Topics of Discussion: the pandemic vs the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (which was actually quite good), Benito's trip to the hospital, a series of jokes to remind you of exactly where we grew up, a balanced evaluation of Seneca the Younger, "Jews" vs. "Hebrews" in South Carolina, angel horses, catapults, the dopest last words of all time, the gross and grisly death of Antiochus, a review of our SJW politics.

Hymnal: "Family Tradition" by Hank Williams Jr., "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Organ4Everyone (https://www.youtube.com/c/Organ4everyone/featured)

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17.

Transcript

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0:00.0	You're listening to Apocopalus on the Greenlit Podcast Network.
0:03.4	Make sure to check out all of our shows at greenlitpodcast.com.
0:10.7	Oh, bitter was that day, and yet not bitter, when that bitter tyrant of the Greeks
0:16.0	quenched fire with fire in his cruel cauldrons, and in his burning rage brought those seven sons of the
0:21.5	daughter of Abraham to the catapult, and back again, to more tortures.
0:26.8	Fourth Maccabees, chapter 18, verse 20.
0:29.7	Don't ask me, why do you drink?
0:34.7	Hang why do you roll smoke
0:37.7	why much you love
0:42.0	about the songs that you wrote
0:45.2	if I'm down in a honky tongue
0:49.9	some old slicks trying to give me
0:52.2	correction
0:52.9	I say leave me alone.
0:55.7	I'm singing all night long.
0:57.8	It's a family tradition.
1:04.4	Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocopal's.
1:06.8	This is the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible, but we try not to be jerks about it.
1:11.5	My name is Chris Sims.
1:13.3	With me, as always, is the other set of footprints, Benito Sereno.
1:18.4	Benito, how are you on this fine morning?
1:22.9	I'm going to say, I'm going to say fine.
	...

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