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The Art of Charm

769: Laura Heck: AVOID These 4 Behaviors in Any Relationship

The Art of Charm

http://www.TheArtOfCharm.com

Business, Health & Fitness, Education

4.711K Ratings

🗓️ 15 July 2019

⏱️ 52 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

The majority of issues we face in relationships can be boiled down to 4 types of behaviors we exhibit. So what are they? How do you identify which ones you exhibit, and what can you do to deal with them in yourself, your partner, friends, family members, and coworkers before they fall apart? What to Listen For How did the Gottman Institute get started? How much overlap is there between the issues married couples face versus friends, coworkers, and family members and what can we learn from the overlap? What are the biggest issues typically seen in newlyweds and couples first moving in together? What is implied when you stand up at the altar to say, “I do” and what should a conversation about those implications revolve around? What 3 questions should you ask yourself before entering into a couples therapy situation and how do you use these questions to make sure both of you are on the same page when it comes to expectations? What are the 4 problem behaviors that come up in relationships and why is it important to identify YOUR problem behavior before calling out your partner’s? Why is it a bad idea to see a therapist without your partner if you’re having relationship issues? How do relationship problems express themselves through our emotional, mental, and physical well being? How do you deal with criticism whether it’s coming from yourself or your partner? What is the difference between complaining and blaming, and why is one ok and the other is not? How do you deal with defensiveness in a relationship? How can you develop patience when it comes to your partner’s development since we all grow at different speeds? What questions can you ask your partner to show your support for their development and assist in it (if they want you to)? Relationships are a two-way street, so the issues we face while in relationships are a result of one person’s actions and the other’s reactions. This is not to say that one person is always acting and the other is reacting, but when attempting to tackle issues you have in your relationships, you must acknowledge your role in that issue. The responsibility does not fall 100% on you or the other person, but is shared between the two of you. This applies to romantic relationships, platonic relationships, professional relationships, and familial relationships. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! SAXX Underwear’s patented BallPark Pouch is a game-changer! They have internal mesh panels that keep everything in place, and they're made with super-soft, moisture-wicking fabrics, allowing our boys to breathe and even repel B.O.! Go to SAXX Underwear at SAXXunderwear.com and use the discount code CHARM at checkout to get $5 off – PLUS free shipping on your first purchase! Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to Blinkist.com/AOC to start your free trial or get three months off your yearly plan when you join today. Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/charm. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day. Resources from this Episode YouTube: Making Relationships Work | Dr. Gottman The Gottman Institute Marriage Therapy Radio Podcast Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube

Transcript

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0:00.0

This is the Articharm podcast, a show where we bring you

0:02.9

actionable tips and strategies to better connect socially, boost your emotional

0:07.6

intelligence, and navigate social dynamics. I'm AJ.

0:11.2

And I'm Johnny.

0:12.1

Welcome back to our month on mastering connection.

0:14.9

In the first two episodes this month, we talked about forging strong connection with the people

0:19.3

in our lives. And we gave you some ways to prevent problems and effectively set boundaries.

0:25.3

Today, we have a very special guest with us.

0:27.6

You can't really talk about relationship research without mentioning the fantastic work

0:32.6

that's been done by the Gottmann Institute over the past decades. In fact, we've

0:36.6

referred to their studies in many of our past episodes. And today, we get to talk with one of

0:41.5

their therapists, podcast host Laura Heck. She's a certified Gottmann therapist who co-hosts the

0:47.5

podcast Marriage Therapy Radio with her fellow Gottmann colleague Zach Brittle.

0:58.3

So Laura, could you tell our listeners a little bit about yourself and the work that you do

1:07.0

and how you got affiliated with the Gottmann Institute?

1:09.8

I'm a lady. I'm a mom. I am also a marriage and family therapist. I have been a therapist now

1:15.7

for a while. And I specialize in working with couples. I actually only work with couples. I

1:21.1

think that my work with individuals is probably pretty crummy. I get a little bored if there's not

1:25.6

another person in the room. I'm an outdoor enthusiast. We're talking about living here in Salt Lake,

1:30.1

which is amazing. It's a little bit like just being a kid in a playground, which I didn't realize

1:35.8

Utah is so incredible. It has so many national parks. So I play in the winter. I play in the summer.

1:42.0

I'm out there golfing and trail running. I heard you guys are actually training for a tough

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