68: How Should Step-Parents Fit In?

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting

Dr. Lisa Damour/Good Trouble Productions

Kids & Family, Mental Health, Parenting, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 720 Ratings

🗓️ 15 February 2022

⏱️ 29 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

A step-parent asks for Dr. Lisa’s help as she finds herself parenting three kids under eight, two of them step-children. Should step-parents discipline differently? Dr. Lisa talks about what parents can do to keep kids from feeling stuck in a loyalty conflict between their parent and step-parent. Reena asks about common mistakes step-parents make when forming a relationship with step-kids. Dr. Lisa also explains how weekday parenting can be different from weekend parenting. She maps out how you can create a framework to make multiple households run smoothly. What do you do if one home feels like Disney World and another is more strict? The co-hosts discuss how playing the long-game can make all the difference. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Transcript

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0:00.0	This is Ask Lisa, a podcast to help people understand the psychology of parenting.
0:10.0	Psychologist Dr. Lisa DeMore, author of two New York Times best-selling parenting books, takes your questions.
0:17.0	And I'm co-host, Rina Ninan, a journalist and mom of two.
0:24.2	Some of what we talk about comes from raising children ourselves.
0:28.2	Most of the time, I'll be getting answers to your parenting questions.
0:33.1	So send your questions to Ask Lisa at Dr.LisaDemore.com.
0:41.3	Episode 68, how should stepparents fit in? Boy, we've gotten such incredible feedback about our divorce episode last month.
0:47.7	I'm so glad we did that. I mean, we really scratched the surface, rena, you know.
0:52.5	Marriages and divorces and co-parenting are such
0:55.7	complex things, but I was glad that we got into it. And I also felt it was really valuable
1:01.8	just talking about dealing with conflict with your spouse or partner and how that can affect
1:05.8	your kids. Yeah, whether you're married or not. Yeah. We got so much feedback. People were even
1:10.7	asking, I'm a step-parent, how do I help?
1:13.2	And we just realized we've got to do a follow-up on this, but dealing with step-parents.
1:17.2	And this letter came in, Lisa, it says,
1:19.1	Hello, Lisa, I have two stepdaughters, eight and five.
1:22.1	When their dad, my husband, and their mom split up three years ago, mom had full custody, but now we have full custody.
1:29.2	They're with us during the week and with their mom during the weekend. Over the last year,
1:33.2	their mom has been in and out, very inconsistent in all manners. When she was more consistent,
1:38.8	the girls were well-behaved. However, the past six months have been especially hard on the
1:43.8	five-year-old.
1:44.9	I feel like some of her emotions she's taking out on me as her stepmom.
	...

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