You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships

and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.

I'm your host, relationship coach Stephanie Rigg,

and I'm really glad you're here.

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment. Today's episode is all about

criticism in anxious avoidant dynamics. So how criticism tends to come up and what different

partners might use criticism for in an anxious avoidant dynamic. So this has been something

that's been swirling around in my head, as is the case with many of the topics

that I speak about on the podcast. And it's come up for me because I think that criticism,

if you read any of the literature around attachment, you'll find that criticism is something

that both anxious and avoidant-leaning people will deploy as a strategy

at various points in time to try and get a need met. And I think that, you know, as a broader

point, if you're familiar with my work and my approach, you'll know that even these ostensibly

unhealthy or problem behaviours, if we were to call them

that, they're all ultimately trying to meet and need. They're trying to protect us against something.

They're trying to achieve an end. And so looking at criticism through this lens of what am I

trying to achieve when I criticize my partner, whether that's

inwardly, whether it's just our inner voice, noticing the deficiencies of our partner

and feeling very judgmental, or whether it's outward criticism. And it's something that we are

using to try and elicit a response or change or engagement in a partner, getting really

curious around, okay, what's driving that? What is this really about for me? So that we can

create a little space, create greater awareness, and ultimately create the possibility of using

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