58: Blaise, Your Dead Homie (The Lives of St. Sebastian, St. Blaise, and St. Agatha)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 23 February 2020

⏱️ 110 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Cough up that fishbone and tighten up your bowstrings, Theophiloi, because it's time to dive into a trio of hagiographies from our boy JDV and the Golden Legend. Join us as we commemorate February with a look at the ever-penetrated St. Sebastian, #1 pig recovery specialist St. Blaise, and the iron-willed patron of bellmakers, St. Agatha! Since we provide all the details of their martyrdom, I think we're technically a true crime podcast now, so increase your sponsorship accordingly.

Topics of discussion: The most North Carolina miracle of all time, date night at Target, St. Baldomerus, Benito's distressing jeremiad against locksmiths, several mentions of the G.O.A.T. Erica Henderson, St. Sebastian's bad tactic for "helping," the best KISS song, Carp: the fruit of the sea, apartment buildings of ancient Rome, a stunning display of fragile masculinity, Chris's limited knowledge of porcupines, the dire consequences of intra-marital affairs, King Gumbert, the 14 Holy Helpers, questions for pápá, "Precious" Paul Ellering, boob cakes.

Hymnal: "Hail St. Sebastian" by the Mountain Goats, "Mamma Mia" by Stephen Mann of English Martyrs Church (https://www.youtube.com/user/Principal45).

Transcript

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0:00.0	You're listening to Apocrypal's, a part of the Greenlit Podcast Network. Check out all of our shows at greenlitpodcast.com.
0:08.4	Another poor woman, a widow, possessed nothing but a single pig, and a wolf had violently made off with the pig.
0:14.9	The wolf implored St. Blaze to get the pig back, and the saint smiled and said, good woman, don't be sad.
0:20.8	Your pig will be returned to you
0:22.1	within minutes the wolf came up and gave the pig back to the widow the life of st blaze from the
0:28.9	golden legend and bless the arrows that strike us where we stand if it doesn't crush me it's all right if it doesn't break me
0:45.3	it's all right all the petty demons trying to break me into i was born stronger than any of you
0:55.1	It's all right
0:56.8	It's all right
0:58.4	It's all right
1:00.0	Hello friends and neighbors and welcome to Apocry Pals
1:04.5	It's the podcast where two nonbelievers read through the Bible
1:07.2	And it's associated texts
1:09.0	And we try not to be jerks about it.
1:11.4	My name is Chris Sims.
1:13.0	With me, as always, the other half of the Sons of Thunder, the other set of footprints,
1:17.5	your other heavenly host, Benito Serino.
1:20.5	Benito, how are you today?
1:22.8	Pretty good.
1:23.7	Pretty good, Chris.
1:26.0	Since people are saying they like the weather updates, I'll say it's very nice out here today.
1:30.3	Like it's a nice, like sunny 50 degrees.
	...

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