#567 From "Why is This Happening to Me?" to "What is This Teaching Me?"
Happiness Podcast
Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D.
4.5 • 955 Ratings
🗓️ 26 December 2025
⏱️ 13 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
When we face difficulty, our natural instinct is often to ask the disempowering question, 'Why is this happening to me?' However, this keeps us trapped in victimhood, whereas shifting our focus to 'What is this teaching me?' immediately unlocks our potential for growth and resilience. In this episode, we will explore how to make this powerful mental pivot so you can stop suffering through your challenges and start learning from them.
New Episode of the Happiness Podcast with Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D.
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Do you want to live a peaceful, happy life? Are you struggling with anxiety or depression? Or are you simply ready to take the next step toward your full potential?
Join Dr. Robert Puff, a licensed clinical psychologist with over 30 years of experience, on the Happiness Podcast. With over 20 million downloads, the podcast explores the specific actions you can take to create lasting happiness.
A licensed psychologist in Newport Beach, California and author of 15 books, Dr. Puff has spent decades studying human achievement and sharing what he's learned. He wants to help you learn the steps you need to take to soar in your own life.
His blog for Psychology Today has captivated nearly 3 million readers, establishing him as a leading thinker in mental wellness.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the Happiness Podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. Probably the most prevalent question that I get asked as a clinical psychologist working with individuals for over 30 years now is, why is this happening to me? It's a normal human response to pain. We all do it. When we lose our jobs that we've been devoted to, |
| 0:25.8 | worked hard at, and stayed at for over 20 years, we're going to ask, why is this happening to me? |
| 0:32.6 | When someone we so deeply loved cared for us, we cared for them. We have so many beautiful memories |
| 0:39.2 | together, even children. And now they're leaving. We ask ourselves, why is this happening to me? |
| 0:47.3 | But there's two words in that phrase that lead to a dead end. It's why me? |
| 0:55.0 | This is a closed door, because it's looking for blame outside or inside, but doesn't offer a path forward. |
| 1:05.0 | But what if we shifted this question? |
| 1:09.0 | We pivot to the concept of the student mindset. |
| 1:13.6 | Here we ask, what is this teaching me? |
| 1:18.6 | With this very simple question, what is this teaching me, |
| 1:23.6 | we turn the pain into a curriculum for our growth. |
| 1:28.3 | There's a trap for the why me question. |
| 1:32.3 | It's a victim mindset. |
| 1:34.3 | Within the psychology of victimhood, when we ask why, we are often unconsciously seeking to confirm |
| 1:43.3 | that the universe is unfair or that we are unlucky. |
| 1:47.0 | Haven't we all known someone whose credo is, |
| 1:52.0 | Life sucks then we die? |
| 1:55.0 | It may add some levity to life, but in truth, some people deeply believe this. It's all about losing agency. |
| 2:05.3 | As long as we are the victims of agency, we are powerless to change this horrific event, |
| 2:11.7 | and instead we wait for the world to change for us. Then it creates this horrible loop of suffering. Why me |
| 2:23.3 | creates resistance. And as the saying goes, pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Resistance |
| 2:32.3 | creates the suffering. We so badly want the world to change, but truthfully, |
... |
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