56. More More More More More More More Short Stories

The Story Must Be Told

The Last Podcast Network

Arts

4.8 • 530 Ratings

🗓️ 26 February 2019

⏱️ 24 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

These stories are like the screams from Purkley Katzman's gnashing mouth as the gears did their work upon him: short, savory, juice-juicy. We honor stories both short and long, but today we hold a special place for those truths that punish the ear quickly. Sup upon each, and yearn! Yearn! Invocation Psalm: “I'm a Gym Teacher” Liturgical Reading: “More More More More More More More Short Stories” Concluding Prayer The Story is ripe, and we chew it up and honk it down. Honk one with us next week as well, ooh ooh.

Transcript

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0:00.0	On this day, we're going to remember an idiot who died.
0:25.6	His name was Perkley Catsman, and no one misses him.
0:29.6	But we miss his stories.
0:31.6	Yes, the story was alive in Perkley,
0:35.6	before that story, like a parasitic fetus, drained Perkley of life,
0:41.1	or more accurately, pushed Perkley into the gears which his blood did lubricate. He went squish.
0:50.3	And now his memory squishes in us, unwelcome as a hot cup of vomit poured down a heating vent.
0:59.0	Today, on the feast of Perkley the Idiot, we tell stories like he did, so that what was once special to him is special no more. The story must be told.
1:14.4	The story must be told. We now read a song and declare as we do this single thought.
1:23.7	Fuck you, Perkley! You had a bad haircut and no one ever wanted that dick,
1:29.3	so crusty and decrepit like a Cheeto left in the rain.
1:33.3	We are glad you died.
1:40.3	Vroom, broom! I'm a gym teacher. Beep, beep! I teach your children's muscles how to exercise and do math.
1:48.0	Screech!
1:49.0	I got a box of surgical supplies in the trunk
1:52.0	and a brain full of appendectomy tutorials I watched on YouTube.
1:57.0	Yeah, yeah!
1:58.0	I'm coming to do surgery on your nephew. I'm hopping the curb and letting my
2:03.1	cheery red 1987 Ford Mustang idle in the emergency room bay as I run in with a knife.
2:10.5	You can't be in here, the surgeon screams. Oh yeah, I scream. I do some gym stuff in front of him.
2:18.7	Stuff only gym teachers know.
2:20.6	He's so impressed he fucking dies.
	...

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