Welcome back to the place we find ourselves podcast. I'm Adam Young and today's episode is part two of a conversation with Jay Stringer about his book unwanted.

Let's begin with a quote from the book, Jay writes, and it's so short and so important.

I am asking you to consider the possibility that your sexual struggle is not random.

What if he's right? What if your sexual struggle is rooted in your story, particularly your story in your family of origin?

That's where we're going today. Thanks so much for listening. Remember that if you want to listen to episodes as soon as they are released, you need to download the place we find ourselves app, which you can do at the app store or the Google Play Store.

All episodes will be available for free four weeks after they are released to the app.

So if you want to support the podcast and get immediate access and instructions are on my website, thank you and here's part two of my conversation with Jay Stringer.

Yeah, where have you come from and where are you going? Is in many ways kind of the framework for your book? So it's organized around three simple questions.

How did I get here? I eat, how did I get into all this unwanted sexual behavior? Why do I stay and how do I get out of here?

In this section on how did I get here, you begin to get more specific about the linkage between our unwanted sexual behavior and our story with our family of origin.

And here's how you put it. I'm asking you to consider the possibility that your sexual struggle is not random.

You go on, Jesus says that unless you leave your family, your mother, your father, you cannot follow him.

We cannot walk with Jesus into healing if we remain loyal to protecting the people that most contributed to our harm.

There's a difference between honoring our parents and remaining loyal to them.

So this notion of loyalty is so important. What do you mean by remaining loyal to protecting the people that most contributed to our harm?

How do we remain loyal to them and what's the alternative that you're inviting us to?

Yeah, so I mean, I'll give you an example from a client. So one of my clients would kind of just say I grew up in a great Christian home.

My dad went to most of my ball games, my mom, she could lose her temper every once in a while, but she was like, you know, made all the meals, lunches, she did my laundry.

And they ended up just telling a really bland story about their life. But then they start talking about their own sexual struggles as adolescents, even before that.

And it's like they're the most wretched human being that ever came to exist. And so with one of the guys, he was one of the things I normally ask people about is to kind of tell me about their first sexual experience or their first exposure to pornography.

And he said, you know, I've never really thought about that, but my first exposure came from a desgrambler device in my basement for those that, you know, listen as I don't know, a desgrambler device is basically some device that allows you to desgramble erotic cable channels.

So a lot of those things that are filtered out or that you have to get a subscription for this box kind of unlocks all those so that you can see it.

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