We all know communication is key to a healthy marriage—but what if what you think is communication… really isn't? In this solo episode, Dr. Kim unpacks five common habits couples mistake for communication and how these patterns can quietly erode connection over time. Learn how to create safety in your conversations, break unhealthy rhythms from your past, and build new habits that foster real understanding. Because clarity is kind, connection takes intention, and communication is about more than just words—it's about being truly heard.

 

Episode Highlights:

Communication is the number one struggle couples mention in counseling.

Talking at someone isn't the same as talking to someone.

Unhealthy rhythms stem from our past experiences. 

The first step in breaking these patterns is recognizing they are there.

Clarity is kind.

It's important that both spouses feel safe to hear and be heard.

Digital communication cannot replace connection.

Daily touch points and weekly check-ins can help combat the negative rhythms. 

 

Quotes from Today's Episode:

When couples say they can't communicate, what they mean is "we can't connect."

We tend to overestimate how well we communicate.

We think our spouse should just know what we want to say.

Silence communicates rejection and punishment.

Your spouse can't read your mind.

Unmet expectations are just resentments waiting to happen.

Sarcasm is a shield that prevents real intimacy.

Use technology to enhance communication not to replace it.

Don't wait for problems to arise before you communicate.

Pause before you react.

James 1:19 that's countercultural advice in a world that rewards quick comeback and hot takes but it's exactly what healthy communication looks like.

 

Couple's Conversation Starters:

Which of the "five things that aren't really communication" do we each tend to slip into most often, and how can we help each other recognize it with grace?

When was the last time one of us felt unheard or misunderstood, and what could we do differently next time to make both of us feel safe to share honestly?

How can we build more intentional rhythms of connection—like daily touch points or weekly check-ins—to keep our communication strong and consistent?

 

Mentioned in this Episode:

• Awesome Marriage is on Instagram!

• If Communication is a struggle in your marriage, check out this free webinar: 7 Communication Mistakes Couples Make In Marriage

• We gathered all 685 answers, organized them into the top 10 themes, and added 1 practical step for each theme so husbands can better meet their wife's needs. 💡Unlock 10 Things Wives Want! ]

• Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word with your spouse? Find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. Want to see what God's Word says about what your wife needs? Or maybe, women, you don't know how to put to words what you need. Check out 3 Things Wives Need: A Plan for Husbands and Wives.

• If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

• Sign up for Dr. Kim's Marriage Multiplier email for practical weekly marriage tips!

• Now is the perfect time to join our Marriage Changers program. Enjoy every resource of the month plus bonus content from Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy. Join now, just in time to receive our 10 Things Women Want.