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Church of Lazlo Podcasts

5.5.26, Priests, Puppeteers & Billionaires

Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Audacy

Comedy

4.91.7K Ratings

🗓️ 5 May 2026

⏱️ 120 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Someone not hearing you might be the ultimate defense. The GameStop CEO sounds exactly like you’d expect a GameStop CEO to sound. SlimFast doesn’t own any luxury brands, and the guys think a travel vlogger is a massive baby. Ever passed a kidney stone? Slim’s already planning Lazlo’s son’s grad party. How many Catholic priests are actually pedophiles? And Britney Spears has pleaded guilty. Lazlo also responds to Reddit about artists pulling back from concerts. Stream The Church of Lazlo podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Transcript

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0:00.0

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.

0:11.0

Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness.

0:18.0

For he is truly his brother's keeper and finder of lost children.

0:23.6

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.

0:34.6

And you will know my name is the lord when i lay my vengeance upon thee ladies and gentlemen

0:43.4

the church of laslow has begun yo yo how are you i'm great how are you about to be better

0:52.2

you're just handing me some drugs? I like strolling in here.

0:55.0

Yeah, my allergies are bad.

0:57.2

It's all that rain.

0:59.0

Mm.

1:00.8

This will help.

1:02.7

I find, you know.

1:03.7

I don't know it's for your allergies, but it'll help.

1:05.2

It's generic, but it still works pretty well.

1:07.0

Mm-hmm.

1:08.1

Make me feel better.

1:09.4

Preachers for your allergies.

1:10.6

I don't know. My mom always called it my allergy medicine. Oh, she didn't? Yeah, I don't know. Your mom always called it boner pills to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We know. Take your bone pills. We know. Yeah, she. Oh, he said hello. You left your stuff, some of your stuff.

1:28.3

Oh, man.

1:29.3

I just like to leave it so I can come back.

1:31.3

Yeah, yeah.

1:32.3

She said, don't, tell him, don't think I don't know what he's doing.

...

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