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Church of Lazlo Podcasts

5.1.26, Crying During A Blowjob

Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Audacy

Comedy

4.91.7K Ratings

🗓️ 1 May 2026

⏱️ 116 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Drugs are making Lazlo forgetful, and he is VERY uncomfortable when comedians bomb. Lazlo's son can no longer eat cream cheese because of Epstein. Lazlo' s pretty content with the white-thing he has going. Katy Perry is in hot water AGAIN! Lazlo would like a penis show from SlimFast. Stream The Church of Lazlo podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts!

Transcript

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0:00.0

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.

0:11.0

Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness.

0:18.0

For he is truly his brother's keeper and finder of lost children.

0:23.6

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt

0:30.6

to poison and destroy my brothers.

0:34.6

And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon me.

0:41.8

Ladies and gentlemen, the Church of Laslow has begun.

0:47.7

Yo!

0:48.2

How are you?

0:49.3

Sorry, my man, it was me.

0:51.0

I was the first one late.

0:52.6

I was late today.

0:54.0

That doesn't really count, though. Because you texted. So that doesn't count. I was still five. It's late. But like you were on your way and then, you know, out of my head. You got to call. Someone is like, where is this person? And then, have you heard from last? No. And I call and then you answer you go, hello. And I are you and go oh yes that's that's the first one right

1:13.7

all right got it I think because first of all you weren't you're only late for like a minute and uh you know

1:20.1

medical medical medical yeah it's still okay I mean it wasn't that medical. Sure. Was on my way here?

1:28.1

I would have been on time.

1:28.8

I got to like, you know, 85th Street or something. I was like, you know, because whenever I drive, my back hurts a little bit. And I don't know why it clicked with me. I just clicked at about 85th. I went, yo, you didn't take any of your medicine. Do you normally take it every morning? Every morning I take it with my supplements and everything.

1:44.1

I don't know why I just grabbed a coffee and walked out.

1:46.6

Yeah.

1:47.1

It just happened.

1:48.0

Yeah. It just happened. Yeah. So I was like, oh, to be late or to be in pain like day. I thought like I could probably get through those four hours. It would be fine. But then a part of me was like, you know what? I don't know if we have a, if it's going to be a podcast afterwards or if he's going to want to meet with me. Like, I don't know. I don't want to do six hours, right? So I was just like, you know what, go back. And I think I still might make it. So whatever. Yeah. I apologize. If you're expecting us on, you know, a couple minutes earlier, I apologize. Anytime I'm sure there's people, you know, telling their spouses.

2:18.4

It used to happen when we were late all the time, before we started doing mornings, and having a real boss here. Yeah. And people would be like, you guys never start the time. I'm like, what do you care? What time? That was a big thing back then. I know. Well, and they got used to whatever time it was, which was still an arbitrary time that we'd chosen, right?

...

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