Welcome to Un-Fuck Your Brain. I'm your host, Kara Lowenthal, master-certified coach, and founder of the School of New Feminist Thought. I'm here to help you turn down your anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on your own terms, one that you're truly excited to live. Let's go.

Welcome to this week's coaching hotline episode where I answer real questions from real

listeners and coach you from afar. If you want to submit your question for consideration,

go to unfuckyourbrain.com forward slash coaching hotline,

all one word, or text your email to plus one 347-997-1784. And when you get prompted for the

code word, it's coaching hotline, all one word. Let's get into this week's questions. First question is short and sweet.

And in some ways, actually not a coaching question, but I have a coaching answer to it. So,

here's the question. I'm entering the first stage of a divorce. We just talked about it and I'm

pursuing whatever comes next. I am concerned how do I start to explain this to my six-year-old and three-year-old. So here's my answer. I have no idea how you should explain it to your six-year-old and three-year-old because I have no idea what actions any of you should take because that's not my job as a coach. Now I'm not saying that to me like you shouldn't ask this question. I think it's a great question. The reason I wanted to feature this question is that's a perfect

example of how when you ask a question that comes from your action line, your A line and your model,

right? What should I do? How should I do this thing? It means that you are not believing in your

own ability to figure out how you want to act., it means that you are not believing in your own ability to figure out how you

want to act. And it means that you're looking at the wrong line of the model. Any action we take

has to come from the thought and the feeling. The question is never, what should I do?

Which is really what this question is, right? It's phrased as how do I start to explain

this? But really, it's like, how do I take the action in the right way or in the best way or in the

way that will make my children think and feel a certain thing? And that's always paralyzing

because it's not taking into account what really matters, which is the thought and the feeling line.

So anytime you're asking yourself, what should I do or how should I do this, you're asking

yourself the wrong question. The question is always, what are my thoughts about this? How do I want to

think and feel? When you get that aligned, your action becomes clear,

whether it's to talk to your children in a certain way, whether it's to buy a book about

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