494. The Six Stages of Change
UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone
Kara Loewentheil
4.6 • 5.6K Ratings
🗓️ 21 May 2026
⏱️ 28 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
How many times have you been doing the work, trying to change, and then completely lost it? You yelled at your kids, said yes when you meant no, or spent money you promised yourself you wouldn't, and thought, "I am failing. This is not working. I should just give up." We’ve all done this, which means we’ve all quit on change when we were already in the process, but just couldn’t see it.
In this episode, I break down the six stages of behavior change so you can see that you are already in the process of change, even when it doesn't feel like it. You'll hear why shame keeps you stuck, why self-compassion is the bridge to noticing your behavior, and how observing yourself without judgment allows real change to begin. Plus, I share specific prompts and practical ways to work with yourself at each stage so you can finally create the change you want.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/494
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | How many times have you been doing the work, reading the books, listening to the podcast, going to therapy, journaling, doing the somatic practice, like whatever the work is for you? |
| 0:10.3 | And then you snap at your partner. Or you say yes when you meant to say no. Or you spend money you said you would not spend and you use that moment as evidence that none of it is working and you should probably just give up. |
| 0:22.3 | We've all done this, which means we've all quit on change when actually we were already in the |
| 0:27.4 | process of change, but we just couldn't see it. Because most of us have no idea what progress |
| 0:31.9 | actually looks like. We have been sold or imagined a completely fake version of what change feels like and how we know |
| 0:40.0 | if it's happening. So that's what I want to fix today. Change is not a decision followed by an |
| 0:45.6 | immediate result. Change is not snapping your fingers and just waking up a different person or |
| 0:50.0 | vowing to try harder and then just magically changing. Change is a slow, awkward, often really |
| 0:56.3 | uncomfortable process of building a new neural pathway in your brain while the old one, |
| 1:02.2 | your old familiar friend is still sitting right there, fully grooved, calling your name |
| 1:07.4 | every single day. Today I'm going to walk you through what I have observed are the |
| 1:11.2 | six stages of behavior change. So you can stop measuring your progress against a fantasy and start |
| 1:16.5 | measuring it against reality. Because once you understand what the process of change actually looks |
| 1:21.3 | like, three important things happen. Number one, you stop calling yourself a failure, |
| 1:26.8 | which means number two, you stop quitting too failure, which means number two, you stop quitting |
| 1:28.4 | too early, which means number three, you actually start producing the change that you've been |
| 1:33.1 | trying to produce for years. So let's get into it. Welcome to unfuck your brain. I'm your host, |
| 1:39.9 | Kara Lowenthal, master certified coach, and founder of the School of New Feminist Thub. |
| 1:45.4 | I'm here to help you turn down your anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on |
| 1:50.9 | your own terms, one that you're truly excited to live. |
| 1:54.8 | Let's go. |
| 1:58.2 | Here's the fantasy that most of us have in our heads about how we should be able to change. |
... |
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