479. What does it really take to know someone? Important questions to ask yourself
Do You F*cking Mind?
Alexis Fernandez-Preiksa - Neuroscientist and Mindset Coach
4.9 • 914 Ratings
🗓️ 1 March 2026
⏱️ 33 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
What does it ACTUALLY take to know someone?
Can you ever know a person outside of the role they play in your relationship with them?
If someone deceives you, does that mean you never really knew them in the first place?
And why does chemistry so often convince us we understand someone far more deeply than we actually do?
In this episode, I talk about the illusion of knowing and why familiarity, attraction, and emotional intensity can create a false sense of closeness.
I dive into limerence, the strange dynamics of online dating, and the way modern dating shows sell us a version of connection that looks convincing… but rarely reflects healthy love in the real world.
Let’s goooooo
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hello, beautiful beans and welcome to the podcast episode of today. So this podcast |
| 0:13.0 | episode, we are going to be talking about what does it really take to know someone. Now, |
| 0:24.4 | you can apply this to any relationship in your life. Obviously, |
| 0:29.2 | I feel like with relatives, especially people that you've grown up with, this is kind of redundant because of course you're going to know them based on what I'm going to talk about here. |
| 0:32.9 | But in general, when we talk about friends, when we talk about colleagues, when we talk about |
| 0:36.8 | romantic relationships, that's the main one that I'm really going to refer to here, but |
| 0:41.5 | any relationship, what does it really take to know someone? And if you're in a position where |
| 0:45.2 | you're saying, is this love or is this limerence, these questions are really going to |
| 0:52.0 | make you work that out for yourself. So if you're someone that's, |
| 0:55.7 | you know, crazy fallen for someone, but you're like, I, you know, am I falling for the image of |
| 1:02.1 | this individual or is there enough here that I know that I can really know someone? This also |
| 1:06.6 | kind of leads on to an episode I did very recently. I think it was last week where I spoke about, you know, |
| 1:12.1 | keeping a spark alive and all of that. |
| 1:14.1 | If you really know someone, it's easy to be able to do things to get closer with that person |
| 1:20.5 | and to be able to work together with them for like the improvement of the relationship, |
| 1:25.4 | whether it's a friend or whether it's a romantic partner, |
| 1:28.2 | versus if you are just blatantly in love with them or infatuated or have limerance, but you don't |
| 1:33.1 | actually know this person. So we're going to go through what it really takes to know someone, |
| 1:37.2 | and we're going to ask a whole bunch of questions surrounding that. But before we do, |
| 1:42.3 | first, I just wanted to address the wrist band in my video. |
| 1:46.5 | If you, I did mention this before, but if you are watching the video version of this podcast, |
| 1:51.2 | either on YouTube or Spotify, you will see that I'm wearing a wristband. It's actually called |
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