Regular regular, regular, regular features, the regular, regular, regular features,

a regular, regular, regular features, a regular feature, the regular features, the show.

Hello and welcome to Regular Features, the podcast that's the same every week.

And like every week, Storm Eunice has driven us underground into the regular feature Storm Bunker.

Me, Log, Matt, Joe, and Gav were fooling around in the park when the squall descended,

and with visibility fast fading and the threat of being pierced by a flying spike rising,

we formed a chain of hand-holding men

by holding our man-hands

and blindly fumbling away into the safety

of our underground sanctum.

However, when we got inside

and the vault door slammed shut behind us,

we looked down at our

mostly unsevered hands

and realized we were not a five-long chain

of podcasting men, but a dipole ringer-ding

of grade B ding-dongs. That's right. Only two members of regular features were spared from the

unrelenting tempest. I went a bit Matt Berry then. Sorry. We can only assume that the remainder of the podcast has been destroyed by Eunice.

Joe, especially in my imagination, will have been horribly buffeted to within an inch of his dizzy little gadabout life.

I genuinely can't bear to think of his legs all stretched around a tree while he screams my name.

And Gav, my God, he must surely have been crushed to crumbs of Barabrith beneath an untethered skip by now.

Not to mention Matt, it will have certainly been whipped into a cloud and obliterated by a million little Zephyers,

...