476. Releasing Caretaking Guilt for the Sandwich Generation
UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone
Kara Loewentheil
4.6 • 5.6K Ratings
🗓️ 19 March 2026
⏱️ 19 minutes
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Summary
Have you ever been caring for someone you love and suddenly felt resentful, exhausted, or completely overwhelmed? And then immediately thought, “What kind of person feels this way?” In this episode, I talk about the emotional reality of caregiving, especially for those of us in the Sandwich Generation who are supporting aging parents while also raising kids, managing careers, and trying to hold our own lives together.
You'll hear why caregiving guilt is so common and how socialization trains women to believe they should give endlessly without limits. I explore why the real problem isn’t the anger or resentment that can show up in caregiving, but the shame we pile on top of those emotions, and how shifting from either or thinking to both and can help you care for others without abandoning yourself in the process.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/476
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The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Have you ever been taking care of someone you love, like a sick parent, a child, a spouse, |
| 0:04.5 | anyone who needs you, and felt angry or resentful or just completely done? And then immediately |
| 0:10.1 | felt like a terrible person for feeling that way. If you have, this episode is for you. |
| 0:16.1 | And before we dive in any further, as many of you know, I have stepchildren, my husband and I both |
| 0:20.5 | have parents who are |
| 0:21.5 | doing amazingly well, but are still aging. And I'm lucky enough to have a grandmother who's in her |
| 0:26.5 | late 90s, and I run a business. So I know what it means to have people depending on you from |
| 0:31.5 | multiple directions and to have real responsibilities in your life. And I also work with and coached |
| 0:36.8 | women in my programs every |
| 0:38.1 | single day who are navigating similar obligations like caring for an aging parent, supporting a spouse |
| 0:44.1 | through illness, raising kids, all while holding down a job and trying to have some semblance |
| 0:49.4 | of a social life. They're doing it all. So if you're in this season of life, just know you're not alone. |
| 0:55.9 | And this is one of the defining experiences of our generation and some of the generation before us. |
| 1:02.0 | It's so common it actually is a name. It's called the sandwich generation because our parents are |
| 1:07.3 | living longer and we're having kids later. So we're more likely to end up in a scenario where we're caring for generations on either side of us simultaneously. While we're also at |
| 1:16.6 | the peak age for our careers, maybe going through the hormonal changes of perimenopause and |
| 1:20.9 | menopause, there's just a lot going on. And so here's what I hear from women in that sandwich |
| 1:25.9 | generation on my coaching calls in my DMs, right? They say things like, I shouldn't feel angry. My sick parents didn't choose to be this way. I can't ask for a break. That's selfish. I love this person, so why do I resent them? If I were a better person, a better daughter, a better mom, a better spouse, I wouldn't feel this way. I can't |
| 1:45.0 | fall apart. I'm the one holding everything together. Other people do this without complaining. |
| 1:49.8 | What's wrong with me? Why can't I just get it together? Or, you know, I chose this. I don't get to |
| 1:54.5 | feel bad about it. And underneath all of those thoughts is the same question that we don't even want |
| 1:59.8 | to admit we're having. |
... |
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