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The Mark Groves Podcast

#475: Parents Have Feelings Too with Hilary Jacobs Hendel

The Mark Groves Podcast

Mark Groves

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.95K Ratings

🗓️ 15 September 2025

⏱️ 65 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode, Mark welcomes back psychotherapist and author Hilary Jacobs Hendel for a profound conversation on emotions, parenting, and breaking cycles of suppression. Together, they explore Hilary’s groundbreaking “Change Triangle” tool and her new book Parents Have Feelings Too, which equips parents to better understand their own emotions so they can support their children’s. Hilary explains why emotions are not “good” or “bad” but vital information, how unprocessed feelings fuel anxiety, depression, and addictions, and why modeling emotional fluency is the most powerful gift parents can offer. Through stories, practical tools, and raw insights, this episode unpacks how embracing emotions—rather than burying them—can transform parenting, heal intergenerational trauma, and create deeper, healthier connections at home and beyond Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW has a passion for teaching people how to understand and process emotions for healing. She is the author of the international award-winning book, “It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self” and “Parents Have Feelings, Too” . She is a certified psychoanalyst and AEDP psychotherapist and supervisor.. You can find free resources plus classes and curricula on emotions and the Change Triangle at hilaryjacobshendel.com. Website: hilaryjacobshendel.com New Book: Parents Have Feelings, Too: A Guide to Navigating Your Emotions So You And Your Family Can Thrive It's Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self This episode is sponsored by: Cozy Earth: Use code MARK for 40% off sitewide at http://www.cozyearth.com Institute for Integrative Nutrition: Certified Health Coach Training: Use code MARKGROVES20 for 20% off ALL courses from IIN & Chopra at http://bit.ly/MARKIIN Avocado Green Mattress: www.avocadogreenmattress.com —Have a question For Mark to answer on the podcast?https://www.speakpipe.com/TheMarkGrovesPodcast —Have a question for Mark and want an immediate answer? Mark's Dexa page: https://ask.markgroves.com —How are your Nervous System + Attachment Style connected? https://markgroves.com/connectthedots - Subscribe to Mark’s Substack to receive his weekly reflections and insights straight from his heart to your inbox. https://markgroves.substack.com/  —Contact us at podcast@markgroves.com for sponsor product support, questions, comments, or just to say hello! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/b...

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Mark Groves podcast. As we do the countdown to our

0:07.2

final guests, I am very excited that today's guest is one of them, one of my favorite

0:14.3

guests of all time, which makes sense that you're coming back on like Michael Jordan of

0:18.6

psychotherapy. I like it.

0:21.4

It's Hillary Jacobs-Hendel.

0:23.5

And as you guys all know, if you follow my work for a while,

0:26.7

I am a super fan of Hillary's work,

0:29.9

especially in the context of understanding emotion.

0:33.7

Really making sense that we're not broken.

0:35.9

And what is the doorway to things like

0:38.1

depression and anxiety and all of that kind of stuff and i was so excited to hear that

0:44.7

hillary had a new book that she wrote with a colleague julie fraga and it's called parents have

0:51.9

feelings too a guide to navigating your emotions so you and your family can thrive.

0:56.7

And I can't think of a better time for this book, obviously in my own life.

1:02.1

And just the beautiful work that you've done, I'm so happy to see that there's a continuation of it that helps us as we not just navigate ourselves, but actually help our children navigate

1:12.6

feelings through our own navigation. So thanks for coming back. Thank you, Mark. I'm so delighted

1:18.0

to be here. So that's something I just have to say that I am so passionate about and remain,

1:23.2

have been remained passionate about since we first. Yeah. Yeah, the birth of that work all coming

1:29.5

from your own experience of exploring emotion. I'm curious, what led you to writing this book? Well,

1:37.4

I've been thinking about my own parenting as my children have grown now into their 30s and my stepchildren, as well as having

1:48.7

been working with people for over 20 years. And it comes down to a lot of things that parents

1:57.1

have done that I think of is totally avoidable and is really no fault of the parents

...

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