#470 - Old Man Bum, A Dream A Dream of Beef and Lust: 12 Bodies That Changed My Life

Elis James and John Robins

BBC

Comedy

4.8 • 6K Ratings

🗓️ 9 September 2025

⏱️ 77 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

The boys have been busy bees recently and the show’s in danger of turning into a Michael Palin travelogue. Elis has returned from France and regales us with stories of visits to ex-military factories, intense chats with German families and Isy’s attempts at speaking French.

Then it’s time for the first instalment of Elis and John’s Road to Nowhere, where your favourite podcast hosts drive around the country for no apparent reason other than to visit their valued family members. They’ve clipped on their mics (much to Elis’s embarrassment) and invited us onto the tour bus. Expect travel-based badinage and a whole lot of service station chat. Radio 4, are you listening?

Back in the studio and on bum-based terra firma, Elis has gone up a pant size because of his ever-growing behind, whereas John’s seems to be ageing beyond his years.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	He scored goals, lifted trophies and broken records along the way.
0:05.4	And now he's got a podcast.
0:07.2	Welcome to the Wayne Rooney show.
0:09.1	Twice a week, Wayne Rooney, Kay Kerd and me, Kelly Summers,
0:12.6	break down the biggest stories in the Premier League and beyond.
0:15.6	As much as you'd like to say,
0:16.7	loyalty in football now is no existence, whether that's fun players or managers.
0:20.5	Plus, we'll hear the funniest, wildest and most outrageous stories from Wayne's career.
0:25.5	The Wayne Rooney Show.
0:26.5	Everybody's talking about it.
0:28.0	Listen on BBC Sounds.
0:31.2	BBC Sounds, music, radio podcasts. Radio Podcasts.
0:55.6	If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it.
0:59.1	John snarled at Ellis as he slammed his dressing room door.
1:03.7	It was the first night of the tour and tensions were already running high.
1:05.7	Ellis had a point, though.
1:11.2	It was a little late in the day for John to reveal that he'd arranged sponsorship from Canon printers.
1:16.2	He was going to do the whole show dressed as a giant ink cartridge.
1:18.2	John?
1:20.0	Ellis knocked at the door.
1:26.7	What if we say that all our notes are printed using Canon and you can dress up and do your dance in the interval. There was no reply,
1:29.4	just the sound of a dressing room door being locked. Ellis went to the green room for crisis talks
	...

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