47: Approximate Week II: The Quickening (The Syriac Infancy Gospel)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 21 August 2019

⏱️ 86 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

You're invited to the holiest eight nights of the Apocrypals calendar, dear Theophiloi! It's Approximate Week, aka our mutual birthday! if you're looking for a gift, we have a recommendation for you: how about a nice cold glass of Messiah Boy Bath Water? Join us as we celebrate with another buck wild Infancy Gospel, in which the Son of Man deals with naked women throwing rocks in cemeteries, an eligible bachelor who is temporarily endonkeyed, and his Earth-dad's lack of carpentry skills. It's everything you need for a great party!

Topics of discussion: Birthdays and presents, the King of Kings of Queens, Joshua bar Josef's Bizarre Adventure, the life and death of Alexander the Great, Mary: The King of Women, a regrettably extended discussion of the Holy Prepuce, the five times Jesus bled, Karl der Große, the ado about this mule, the Harold Allnut of Bible, Dumachus, a portal to the live coal dimension, throne building tips.

Hymnal: "Baby Boy" by Beyoncé

Offertory: Each person should do as they have decided in their heart, so if you enjoy the show, head to ko-fi.com/apocrypals, for the Apocrypals love a cheerful giver.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	As soon as the smell of the clothes of the Lord Jesus Christ reached the boy, he opened his eyes, and, calling upon his mother with a loud voice, he asked for bread and took it and sucked it.
0:10.8	The Syriac infancy gospel.
0:12.3	Sing it down a little, baby boy, you stay on my mind, but feel my fantasy.
0:17.0	Come on, girl, tell me how you're feeling.
0:19.0	I think about you all the time. I see you in my dressing. You don friends and neighbors, and welcome to read through the
0:33.4	Bible, and we try not to be jerks about it.
0:36.0	And happy approximate week, everyone. It is our
0:39.7	birthday. Uh, it is my birthday. I'm Chris Sims. And it is also the birthday, approximately, of the
0:47.2	other half of your humble sons of thunder, Benito Serino. Benito, happy birthday. Happy birthday.
0:53.2	Happy birthday. Happy approximate week too, everyone.
0:57.2	The quickening. The quickening.
0:59.7	Are you enjoying the eight holiest nights of the Apocryphal's calendar? Approximate week.
1:05.5	Yeah, the holy octave of approximate week. Yes, before we get a correction on that, an octave is actually seven days because it's eight days inclusive.
1:15.6	And so the approximate week is actually a would be a noon deal period, not an octave, but whatever.
1:22.6	Hey, literally no one cared.
1:26.2	I could see Father Stephen writing me a tweet about that one.
1:29.9	Yeah, it's our birthday.
1:31.8	Did you celebrate at all?
1:33.8	And we should say, if you were a relatively new listener, we did, we went into this pretty
1:38.5	in depth last year.
1:40.4	Yeah.
1:40.8	And talked about how I bear the name of a noble time-stopping incredibly strong werewolf.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Chris Sims, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Chris Sims and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.