This is self-work, and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

At self-work, we discuss psychological and emotional issues and what you can do about them,

whether that's learning self-acceptance, taking action, or seeking therapy or treatment.

Eight years ago, I extended the walls of my practice to reach those of you who might already be

knowledgeable about middle health treatment, but also to those of you who might say you'd never

darken the door of a therapist. And yet, you are here. I'll answer your questions while I invite

you to take a few minutes for

your own self-work. Although this listener can see that it's abuse, so often the abused will be

blamed and thus sometimes blame themselves for how they're being treated. And that can keep you

more than stuck. So I recommend that this listener

not get caught up in whether it's narcissism, but instead look for a plan to get out from under

his father's constant verbal abuse. Welcome to this week's edition of Self-Work. Today on Self-Work,

I'm featuring two voicemails that I've received within the last month

with questions about narcissism, descriptions of it, as well as frustration and even hopelessness

about ever healing from the wounds that narcissists can cause. We'll hear from one man whose dad,

he describes, as extremely self-centered and emotionally abusive to both him and his

mother, but asks if this is narcissism or not. Then there's a very poignant voicemail from a woman

who talked eloquently about her past relationships with two different types of narcissists.

The first, what she calls covert, the second malignant. I'll describe those terms so you'll know what we're talking about.

But she described herself as feeling hopeless about her ability to trust anyone again.

What brought these stories together in my own mind was not only that the two stories were about narcissism,

but how both listeners conveyed a sense of not knowing how to heal or which direction to go,

...