467. Coaching Hotline: Is My Relationship Toxic? & Handling Health Anxiety
UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone
Kara Loewentheil
4.6 • 5.6K Ratings
🗓️ 17 February 2026
⏱️ 13 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Do you feel like you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, but aren’t sure if it’s really the relationship or just your thoughts? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I dive into a listener’s question about how to tell if your relationship is toxic and how much of the issue comes down to your own thinking.
I also tackle a question on health anxiety, where the listener is worried that their weight isn’t going down despite making healthy changes, and fears they’re damaging their health. Discover how thought work can help you take control of your emotional experience, whether in relationships or health, without falling into the trap of self-judgment and fear.
Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/467
Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/
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The Future Coach Podcast is Here!
The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.
The Future Coach Podcast is Here!
The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to unfuck your brain. I'm your host Kara Lowentile, master-certified coach, and founder of the School of New Feminist Thought. I'm here to help you turn down your anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on your own terms, one that you're truly excited to live. |
| 0:21.3 | Let's go. |
| 0:24.8 | Welcome to this week's coaching hotline episode where I answer real questions from real listeners |
| 0:31.2 | and coach you from afar. |
| 0:33.6 | If you want to submit your question for consideration, go to unfuck your brain.com forward slash |
| 0:39.5 | coaching hotline, all one word, or text your email to plus one 347-997-1784. And when you get |
| 0:48.7 | prompted for the code word, it's coaching hotline, all one word. Let's get into this week's questions. Here's the first question. |
| 0:57.5 | How do I know when a relationship is toxic? How much of it is my thinking and how much is truly my partner's |
| 1:03.2 | actions? For example, one of many. If a spouse doesn't pay bills on time and racks up hundreds of |
| 1:08.2 | dollars in late fees, thought work won't change that. So how does thought work help relationship issues? Well, that last part is a huge question, right? |
| 1:15.1 | How does thought work change relationship issues? So that's kind of in every way. And I'm not going to |
| 1:19.8 | address that exactly, but I want to talk about this question. How do I know when a relationship is |
| 1:24.6 | toxic and what thought work will or won't change? |
| 1:27.8 | Okay. |
| 1:28.0 | So number one, a relationship is never toxic. |
| 1:30.0 | That's never a circumstance unless they literally try to poison you. |
| 1:33.7 | Your thought is that it's toxic. |
| 1:35.8 | There's no such thing as it truly being toxic or not. |
| 1:39.3 | There can't be because toxic is a human word that we have made up that people use to describe a huge range |
| 1:46.3 | of behaviors. Like, I'll say it's only toxic if they try to poison you. Some people will say it's |
| 1:51.3 | toxic if they yell at you. Some people will say it's toxic if they tell you they don't like |
| 1:57.7 | what you're wearing. Some people will say it's toxic if they don't like going to your family events. It can mean so many different things to so many different people. That's how we know it's a thought and not a circumstance. Now, you could choose to believe your relationship is toxic. I don't really advise that because I don't think you get a good result from it, but it's up to you. But when you say, how much of it is my |
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