Some people say global warming is a hoax, perpetrated by the Chinese.

But I say, show me the receipts.

Because why would Xi Jinping want to flood my basement and rust my bowflex?

To what end? Do what end?

TVTM.

You're like that kid on the playground, you know, the one who has lice that none of the other kids want to play with?

What do you mean?

No, I mean we gotta shave your head and get you back on the monkey bars, right?

I've studied the human mind.

I've learned how to read it and ultimately control it.

You listen to me.

While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is that I'm a naysayer and

a hatchet man in the fight against violence, I pride myself in taking a punch and I'll gladly

take another because I choose to live my life in the company of Gandhi and King.

My concerns are global.

Remember, this is not a competition, although you two seem to be the best in the class.

Guilty is charged.

I was in a friend of mine's car.

It's a Chrysler that talks to you, and it says, the door is a jar.

Okay, I'll go ahead and make that change.

Great. I've made the change.

Your wife's new legal name is Target, Target's.

...