459. Coaching Hotline: When to Accept Reality & How to Handle Jealousy in Polyamory
UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone
Kara Loewentheil
4.6 • 5.6K Ratings
🗓️ 20 January 2026
⏱️ 14 minutes
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Summary
Ever wonder if you are pushing toward a bold goal or just fighting reality and wearing yourself out? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener question about how to tell the difference between challenging limits and ignoring real constraints like your energy, time, and capacity.
I also answer a question about jealousy in polyamory and what to do when you feel physically activated watching your partner show affection to someone else. I break down why the sensation in your body is created by your thoughts, not the situation itself, and why this is work you want to do before you are in the moment.
Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/459
Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/
Mentioned in this episode:
The Future Coach Podcast is Here!
The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.
The Future Coach Podcast is Here!
The Future Coach: How to Succeed as a Life Coach Today, Tomorrow, and Beyond is finally here. Every other week, you'll hear practical advice about becoming a coach, improving your coaching skills, and antidotes to the most common concerns, questions, and brain drama that come up with this work, whether you're just starting out or you're years into your career. If you want to find out more, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts and hit that follow button.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to unfuck your brain. I'm your host Kara Lowentile, master-certified coach, and founder of the School of New Feminist Thought. I'm here to help you turn down your anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on your own terms, one that you're truly excited to live. |
| 0:21.3 | Let's go. |
| 0:24.8 | Welcome to this week's coaching hotline episode where I answer real questions from real listeners |
| 0:31.2 | and coach you from afar. |
| 0:33.6 | If you want to submit your question for consideration, go to unfuck your brain.com forward slash |
| 0:39.5 | coaching hotline, all one word, or text your email to plus one 347-997-1784. |
| 0:48.0 | And when you get prompted for the code word, it's coaching hotline, all one word. |
| 0:52.6 | Let's get into this week's questions. So today we're doing one |
| 0:57.9 | kind of conceptual question. And then we're going to do a question about relationships. But as |
| 1:05.1 | always, all thought work is useful for all of you because it's never about the circumstance, |
| 1:10.7 | right? So even if you |
| 1:11.4 | don't share the circumstance, there'll be something in the question, the answer that will relate to you. |
| 1:17.1 | Okay. So the first question is, how do we know when we are fighting a reality that cannot be |
| 1:22.7 | changed as opposed to moving the dial forward on something that can be changed but just takes time. |
| 1:28.5 | So this was in response to the Q&A I did about Theranos and Elizabeth Holmes |
| 1:35.2 | is the woman who basically perpetrated a massive fraud by defrauding investors of all this money |
| 1:42.0 | and claiming that her company could perform blood tests on a |
| 1:44.9 | single drop of blood and was going to like change the testing industry and it turned out was all a lie. |
| 1:50.7 | So I'm telling you that because then the question, this question asker says, you mentioned that Theranos could have listened to her teacher. |
| 1:56.8 | Theranos is the company actually, so she means the owner, that Elizabeth Holmes could have listened to teacher, who said it was physically impossible to create that type of blood test, but she did not. Alas, isn't part of taking leaps and moving forward, sometimes about pushing past what other people say is the reality. Senator Barack Obama was not supposed to be able to become president based on centuries of racism in the U.S. He was too young. He was a politician, |
| 2:18.3 | and yet he did. He clearly had the thought he could, but lots of other people did not believe he |
| 2:22.5 | could. He envisioned a different reality. For social movements, the world exists as it does, |
... |
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