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Episode One

435 - The Fingertrap 5K

Episode One

Episode One

Comedy

4.8881 Ratings

🗓️ 23 April 2026

⏱️ 58 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Crease Cupwell (Branson) and Prep Hemlock (Andrew) participate in the Fingertrap 5K to support the Ron Artest Center for Teens Who Feel Cornered. Buy Alex Branson's The Money Wars: www.amazon.com/dp/B0GVFCJDV2/ Subscribe to E1 on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/e1podcast Ending song - "Big Bird and Kermit Get High 2": www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YN7bJcchAY Join the E1 Discord: discord.com/invite/xTBVk23

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

The following is an archived podcast presented by the Branson and Hudson Foundation for Podcast Recovery, a Charles Austin company.

0:07.3

It is the first and only episode of the podcast. Welcome to episode one.

0:13.9

Hey, excuse me, prep hemlock, right? Oh, hi. What's your name? Hey, how you doing? Oh, uh, uh, crease

0:22.6

Cupwell. I'm sorry. Um, you know, one of the teens who feel cornered that's organizing the,

0:29.0

uh, you know, what's the whole title of this thing? The finger trap 5K for. Oh, yeah, you're

0:33.6

here to run the race center for teens who feel cornered. Yeah, actually uh, I, I, I sort of, uh, fundamentally misunderstood something about the race. And they're telling me you had the same, uh, misunderstanding. So you see how everyone here is sort of in pairs. Oh, yeah, you have to have a partner. They told me they'd give me. Yeah, that, well, that's me. I didn't know I was supposed to get one. I thought I was just kind of doing a fun 5K for, uh, no, that's okay. You can run it with me. Uh, exercise. Yeah, yeah, that's why I was, uh, coming to you, uh, you know, the, uh, one of the teens who feel cornered said, I'm your partner. So, uh, they gave me the, uh, finger trap here. They say, uh, they're very clear about this. Uh, it's just a finger trap. It's not a Chinese finger trap. I said, hey, man, you know, you're not going to hear any complaints about me. But, uh, if, uh, you know, I think they're about to, you know, shoot the gun off. Oh, wow. Look at that. It's a blue one. Yeah. Yeah. So if you got, I mean, I'll go ahead and stick it. Well, shoot. Are you going to run in all that? Well, yeah, you know, I kind of didn't really have time to get prepared. I don't really have my, my gym shorts. And I just kind of have these Tom's. But hey, a 5K is a 5K. And you know, I'm just kind of a guy prep when you feel like running, you just, you got to run. Sometimes you just have to run. Oh, don't I know. I run every day. You just got to get out of there. You know, these teams know what it's like. you know, sometimes you just got to, got to get out there. So, yeah, I got my slacks and my Tom shoes kind of. This is a land's ending. I hope it's kind of warm enough. But, yeah, but no, I've run. I can run pretty good like this. I know you're kind of, you know, it's kind of chilly out today. are you running shirtless? Oh, always. Once you get running, you start warming up,

2:20.7

and then you don't want you're a, you know, it's kind of chilly out today. Are you running shirtless? Oh,

2:18.0

always. Once you get running, you start warming up and then you don't want a shirt on.

2:22.7

Yeah. No, no. I know what you mean. You got to, I tell you what, prep, you got a great body there.

2:27.2

Oh, thank you so much. You know what else? Sometimes when you wear a shirt and you do running too much,

2:33.0

a lot of people, their nipples will start to hurt and sometimes they bleed. Oh, yeah. No, I've, I've heard of that. You know, I promise you, you know, prep if my nipples start to hurt, I'll stop before they, you know, they start bleed. You won't have to worry about that for me today. Oh, awesome. now, we're going to have a good one. Yeah. Yeah. So, do you want to be on the left or the right here? I'm guessing are you, you know, I'll get on the left here and kind of put it on my right hand if you want to put your left hand in there. Oh, sure. Yeah, we're supposed to be stuck together for this. I guess it was supposed to be like a variation on the three-legged race, but I guess too many people got hurt or something. So they said they're going to put their hands. It seems more dangerous, but you know, we both still have a free hand. And I had to run with my partner and he was passed out, but I kept running. And we finished he was kind of banged up oh I mean was it hard to like run with a guy unconscious that he was kind of like stuck to you I mean how many when I saw he couldn't do it and he needed help it was really easy because I was easy to help him out because I wanted to be a you know good friend and everything Oh, was it your friend or a stranger? Oh, it was easy to help him out because I wanted to be a, you know, good friend and everything.

3:41.4

Oh, was it your friend or a stranger? Oh, it was my good friend, the professor. He's probably my

3:46.2

best friend in the whole wide world. Oh, yeah. Oh, cool. The professor's your best friend. Is he

3:51.3

like sort of an older gentleman or is he just a same age as you style professor? He's older than me.

4:15.1

Okay. So he's got super old. Is it like a, you know, I guess I'm trying to sort of like a Marty McFly and then that professor situation, you know, like an age gap best friend. You know, the, what's the name of the movie where they go backwards in time and he's like kissing his own mom and stuff? You know, the 80s were different. You know, I guess I don't really have to

4:20.0

tell you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like interstellar? Oh, it's amazing. I don't really understand it,

4:26.7

but it's so heady. You know, it's got great graphics, too, you know, a lot of that stuff, you know.

4:34.4

I've been mostly watching, like, kind of sitcoms and stuff lately.

4:37.8

It kind of stuck on that, so I haven't really, oh, you know, it looks like they're about to

4:42.2

start the race here, prep, you know, I'm real quick before they get going, how, how competitive are you? Because

4:49.0

I'm just sort of doing this for like exercise and to kind of get out of the house a little

4:52.7

bit, maybe make some bigger decisions later on. But are you trying to like win this thing? Yes.

...

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