427. Coaching Hotline: When You're Told to "Just Get Over It"

UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone

Kara Loewentheil

Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Education, Self-improvement, Philosophy, Society & Culture

4.6 • 5.5K Ratings

🗓️ 30 September 2025

⏱️ 9 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Ever been told to “just get over it” and felt like it made everything worse? In this week’s Coaching Hotline, I answer a listener who’s struggling with that exact phrase and the pressure to move on before they’re ready. We dig into why vague instructions like this don’t help your brain—and what actually does.

I also tackle a question about imagined critics and the way we judge ourselves through faceless others. Tune in to reclaim your authority over your thoughts, and discover the tools to stop letting your brain run the show.

Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/427

Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to unfuck your brain. I'm your host Kara Lowentile, master-certified coach, and founder of the School of New Feminist Thought. I'm here to help you turn down your anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on your own terms, one that you're truly excited to live.
0:21.3	Let's go.
0:24.8	Welcome to this week's coaching hotline episode where I answer real questions from real listeners
0:31.2	and coach you from afar.
0:33.6	If you want to submit your question for consideration, go to unfuck your brain.com forward slash
0:39.5	coaching hotline, all one word, or text your email to plus one 347-997-1784.
0:48.0	And when you get prompted for the code word, it's coaching hotline, all one word.
0:52.6	Let's get into this week's questions.
0:55.6	This is your listener Q&A for this week. Here's the first question. On a coaching call, you said,
1:03.5	you can't just get over it and what does that even mean? This is something I've been told to do
1:08.0	all my life to get over whatever happened and just move on.
1:13.3	I'm African American, so maybe it's a cultural phrase.
1:14.4	Two questions.
1:28.7	Can you speak more on what you meant by you can't just get over it and what does that even mean? And what to do to stop believing that? I do want to change that thought. So it's an interesting question. And when I was coaching that person, when I was trying to express was that either other people tell us to get over it or we just have the thought get over it. We're sort of giving ourselves this instruction that we
1:34.2	don't understand. We don't know what that means. It's like when you say to your brain, well,
1:39.8	I should just forgive the person or I just need to move on. It's like this way of describing a whole
1:46.4	thought change that isn't useful because it doesn't give your brain any idea of what it is you want it to
1:52.8	do. If your brain knew how to just get over it or just forgive the person or just move on or just
1:58.3	not worry about it, like your brain would already do that.
2:01.2	So when I say like nobody knows what that means, what I mean is there's no kind of brain
2:06.9	program we can run of just getting over it. Who knows what that means? And like what that means
2:12.2	to the person who said it to you might be different than what it means to the person down the street,
	...

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