405. Coaching Hotline: Fear of Being Single & Being Happy Alone

UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone

Kara Loewentheil

Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Education, Self-improvement, Philosophy, Society & Culture

4.6 • 5.5K Ratings

🗓️ 15 July 2025

⏱️ 14 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Ever catch yourself thinking your ex was the one or that losing weight will solve all your problems? Our brains can hold onto these beliefs for years, creating stories about why we’re single or why we need to lose weight. But what if the real issue isn’t the thoughts themselves, but what we make them mean?

In this Coaching Hotline episode, I’m breaking down why struggling with the same thoughts for years goes beyond just negative thinking. Identifying unhealthy thoughts isn’t enough—the real work is understanding how your beliefs about those thoughts are causing just as much suffering. Tune in to learn how to stop giving old thought patterns so much power and start creating the feelings you want in your life.

Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/405

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to unfuck your brain. I'm your host Kara Lowentile, master-certified coach, and founder of the School of New Feminist Thought. I'm here to help you turn down your anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on your own terms, one that you're truly excited to live.
0:21.3	Let's go.
0:24.8	Welcome to this week's coaching hotline episode where I answer real questions from real listeners
0:31.2	and coach you from afar.
0:33.6	If you want to submit your question for consideration, go to unfuck your brain.com forward slash
0:39.5	coaching hotline, all one word, or text your email to plus one 347-997-1784. And when you get
0:48.7	prompted for the code word, it's coaching hotline, all one word. Let's get into this week's questions. Here is the first
0:56.9	question. Hi, Kara. First, thank you for all that you do. I have been working through the end of
1:02.2	my relationship. I have found the anxiety and control teachings really useful. I'm trying to apply
1:07.8	the teaching that we only want what we think we want because of the thoughts
1:11.6	and feelings we think we'll have. When I think about what I would think being with her as I want it,
1:16.6	my thoughts are, this is wonderful, she's amazing, this is everything I want, life couldn't be better
1:21.8	than this. The feelings are loved, content, peaceful, happy. I'm struggling to work out how I can
1:27.4	believe these thoughts in my life alone. I'm struggling to work out how I can believe these thoughts in my
1:28.3	life alone. I can think my life is amazing and often believe it, but it doesn't create the same
1:33.0	warm, glow feeling as when she was around. I wonder, are somethings not just inherently pleasurable to us
1:38.7	individually? For me, sunsets, ice cream being near this person, and we can't create that exact pleasure
1:44.1	in our minds alone. Okay, so, number one, you are not thinking the same thoughts now that you
1:51.9	were thinking then. Be careful not to make this confusing for yourself. It's not a mystery.
1:57.2	You were thinking, this is everything I want, life couldn't be better than this.
2:03.6	You are now thinking, I don't have everything I want, and my life could be better than this, right?
2:09.2	So, of course, it doesn't feel as good.
	...

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