You are listening to the Ralph's in-store radio network.

Thank you for tracking your dirty shoes all over our store and making it even dirtier.

Are you a movie buff?

Well, we've got a plurory of Daddy's home, too, that we're selling for $35 for some reason.

Daddy's home, too.

The only piece of physical media that all grocery stores have.

This is...

Uncle's Day is right around the corner, so come on down to Ralph's.

You don't want to be the only one at the Uncle's Day party without Uncle's Day, so it's awesome.

Be sure to check out our dirty clearance bins by our terrifying bathrooms.

The only thing we sell back there is expired bloody Mary mix

and some pregnancy tests that have the character bear a norm in on the box.

Please stop putting baby teeth in the coin star machine.

There's an urban legend going around that you can trick the coin star machine

into giving you money by putting baby teeth in it

because pennies are the same exact size as baby teeth.

That is not true.

We hired a security guard to protect the coin star machine

and we've given him a gun.

If he thinks you put baby teeth in the coin star machine,

you will not think for a second before shooting you.

Also, he refuses to wear glasses because he thinks they make him look weak too...

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