This is a headgum podcast.

Dearest gentle listener, welcome back to the ton for the four hundredth time.

A place where wealth is inherited, feelings are repressed, in silence is often mistaken for yearning.

I am your narrator, the anonymous Lady Puzzledown.

This is a world governed not by laws, but by glances, not by justice, but by reputation,

not by love, but by the simmering horniness that can occasionally turn into marriages.

Each year, society gathers for The Season, a month's long ritual in which young eligible singles are presented like decorative desserts,

while their elders watch closely, judging posture, prospects,

and how well you're pulling off an unbuttoned, ruffled shirt.

At the center of this ritual sits the queen, watchful, amused, and devastatingly honest

in a world built entirely on polite lies.

It is she who names the seasoned diamond,

the debutante judged most dazzling, most admired,

and most likely to get the most airtime.

This year's diamond is Miss Arabella Riddles Lark, beloved for her wit, love of games,

and classically beautiful's face. Suitors have arrived, as they always do, all noble, all wealthy,

and all eager to win her hand.

Ordinarily, these gentlemen would compete through waltzes, duels, and boring conversations about the weather on the promenade. But this season, dear listener, the queen has grown bored.

The courtship shall be decided not by dancing, by dowries, but by parlor games, riddles, conundrums,

and mischief.

Two gentlemen will compete for Miss Riddlelock's hand.

One shall reveal himself a hero, the other something else entirely. Let the season begin. The

...