One of the big reasons why people struggle to find love is that we're constantly chasing the wrong things.

And so I put together this four levels model to help us understand whether we're chasing the right things or the wrong things.

The first level of importance in any dynamic with a person is admiration,

which is to say, by the way, this isn't really important. It's a prerequisite for a successful

relationship, but it's not important on its own. Because admiration is just, you can see someone

across the hall and think they're gorgeous

or charismatic or interesting or intriguing or there's something about them and that's you like have

this kind of like distant admiration for them or I want to get to know that person better

I'd like to ask that person out on On its own, it doesn't mean anything.

And by the way, like, so many unrequited love stories are written about people who longed for someone who didn't know they existed. That's just admiration. And it's a story, by the way,

we've built up in our head about how important someone is. How can they be that important?

You can think they're impressive, but how can they be that important? You can think they're impressive, but how can

they be that important? The person who's important is the person who you know is a great partner to you.

That's important. That's someone that you're justifiable to be afraid to lose someone who's an

amazing partner to you. But someone who's not even your partner, how can that be important?

It's just a feeling.

So admiration is level one, not important.

Level two is mutual attraction.

Also not that important.

Really?

It's a prerequisite.

You don't want to be in any relationship

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